the death of a bachelor// Tyler Seguin//

chapter 8

I woke up excited to see Tyler. After he left last night, he sent a short text letting me know he was home but nothing else. I spent the night considering everything that had happened in the last couple of months. We'd gotten incredibly close at first and formed an amazing friendship. He was a great listener and supported me more than anyone else in my life. We loved all the same movies, all the same music. We'd go out by the pool in the evening and he'd lay his head in my lap while I read Hemingway to him. He loved to pick me up before daylight with coffee and take me out to Ft. Worth to watch the sunrise. I loved to lay next to him in bed while he slept after a long road trip. It was in remembering those moments that I realized how I felt about him. He was something I never knew I needed. As much as it hurt me to trust someone if found myself trusting him without even trying. 

At the same time, I wasn't sure I was ready for a relationship with him. I knew all along it was more than friends but admitting it was different. I knew it hurt him when he woke up the next morning and I was gone. Every time I scooted out of his embrace at a party or how I would spend the night dancing with Jamie at the bar but as soon as Tyler asked I was ready to go home. I wanted all of the fun without any of the commitment. 

I was tired of pushing him away but I couldnt do it forever. I needed to let him in and see where this thing could go. Hopefully, he hadn't changed his mind about me.

I pulled into Tyler's driveway around lunch and headed towards the back gate. Marshall and Cash met me and began barking.

"Well hello to you too handsome boys" I greeted the dogs.

"oh hey baby," Tyler laughed.

I stood up and nudged his shoulder, "hi Tyler."

"you ready to swim?" he asked, gently kissing the top of my head. good sign. 

I nodded and followed him and the pups around side of the house to the backyard. towels and a speaker were set up on the chairs and a cooler full of drinks sat between the two.

Tyler fell back into the chair and paired his phone to the speaker. I faced the yard with my back to him. 

"Daaayum" he exclaimed. 

"yes?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. 

he stood up from the chair and walked over to me. I grabbed his hand and pulled him close to me, my lips hovering over his. He quickly connected them and melted into the kiss. his hands reached for my waist and I could feel the desperation in his actions. 

"Ty," I moaned. His hands began to wander my body. They snaked around my back and reached for the strings of my bathing suit. 

"Tyler quit. Too far," I whined.

he instantly dropped his hands and pulled back from me, "what'd I do?"

"you keep forgetting we aren't together." I explained, "you act like I am your girlfriend and I am not blameless in this but we are not together and that is fine. We can do things but I need you to acknowledge we are not together." 

"maybe I want to be," he said with a serious tone. I was not expecting that. 

He ran his fingers through his hair. I could tell he was terrified to tell me that, "Tyler, I-"

"no listen. I am tired of this. I'm tired of pretending that we are just friends and then doing things that just friends don't do. I am not saying we have to take it any further I am just saying let me do everything I've been doing since we met just as your boyfriend now."

I looked at him. just stared at him. his gusto began to fade. he thinks I'm going to tell him no. 

"Tyler, this isn't something we can just decide." I explained, "this builds and becomes. it doesn't just happen."

"it is. it does.  I've decided I want you. hopefully you feel the same. this business deal is bull shit. I can't keep pretending I don't have feelings. I can't keep acting like I don't want you to stay every night when you think I'm asleep and sneak out of my bed. or that it doesn't hurt my feelings how you'll take shots with the guys and dance but as soon as I offer it you back away like you're scared of me."

"Tyler I don't know if I know how to be a girlfriend. I haven't done it in a very long time. What if it doesn't work and I lose you. Regardless of feelings, we were friends first." 

"I'll make it work, baby, I will work my ass off for us. for you and I. I just want to give this a shot."

"okay."

"okay? like okay we can do this or okay I hear you but I don't want this!"

"okay like im going to trust you," I replied. he grinned and gently pressed his lips to mine. I smiled against it and pulled him in closer.

what the hell have I done?