Not Forsaken

Chapter 17

They finally came to a suitable spot for that night's camp, and she threw the carcass down on the ground. "I will need to get a fire started so I can begin to smoke the meat. Will you be all right to return to the company?" She asked, worried he may get lost. Again.

"Yes, I believe I can manage," Thorin replied, giving her a knowing look. "Do you fear I may not be able to find my way?" He looked at her, questioningly. Was she poking fun at him? He wondered, slightly irritated with his sense of direction.

"Well," she started, gazing over at him from the pile of sticks she had already gathered. "I'm sure you can find your way, after a try or two."

Giving Thorin a wink, Luliana continued gathering firewood, and he left to return to the company. She watched him walk, admiring his broad shoulders, and his confident stride. She was beginning to have feelings for him, she realized. 

Her mother had told her some things of love, telling Luliana that she truly did love her father, of how they had met and fallen in love, and of how Hopcyn had courted her. They were always short conversations. It stirred sadness in Maiken's heart, Luliana had never understood why. She new her parents deeply loved each other.

When she was much younger, Maiken showed her the bead which Luliana now wore. She had told her daughter that they would serve as her dowry someday, if she were ever to wed. But she had said something once that always confused her.

"My daughter," she said, sighing heavily, eyes wet with unshed tears, "had the dragon never come, and had I bore a daughter in Erebor, her fate would have been so much better than yours."

Luliana had never understood what her mother had been trying to say. She had never known a different life, and being so secluded from others had kept her mostly from jealousy and other trifling such things. Her mother rarely spoke of her life before meeting Hopcyn, and spoke even less of her dwarvish ways, or of her life in Erebor. It was only when Luliana asked her mother if she would ever marry, or who, since they were so secluded from the rest of the world. Her poor mother had burst into tears. "You are forsaken my daughter, and it is all my fault. I was selfish for marrying your father. I have ruined what was to be your life, your destiny. How can you ever forgive me?" It was days before her mother was herself again, and Luliana never asked her of it again. She did not understand, but thought it may be better that way.

Sometimes she would find her mother studying the bead. "Mithril." Maiken had told her once. "And these blue stones are sapphires. A king's ransom, I suppose, but never meant to be." She had noticed Luliana standing in the doorway of her room one particular day. "If any man should dare court you, he best remember to treat you like a queen." She had simply smiled at her daughter, and put the bead away. It was not long after that their home was attacked by the orcs.

Luliana was glad to be alone at that moment, because she suddenly burst into tears. She looked down at her hands, bloodied from the deer she had been cleaning, only to think of the blood on her hands as she struggled to bury what was left of her parents' bodies. It had been many, many years before, but the memories flooded back as if it was yesterday. It was the looks on their faces, terror and pain, horror.... frozen forever in death. For years Luliana had nightmares of their faces. She had not seen what happened to them, but she heard from a distance. And their faces. She could never forget. She had buried their remains face down, because she couldn't bear to look at them. It all flooded back now, these cursed memories. She sobbed uncontrollably for quite a long while.

Luliana had calmed some, and looked down at the bead in her hair. Her dowry. She remembered slipping into their home, taking the leather pouch her mother had kept the precious item in. She took nothing else. She looked at it now, thinking that it was such a poor prize. Again, she felt completely alone. Here she was, an orphaned half-breed, traveling with a band of dwarves. She sat down, looking around her. She was no longer in the woods, where she had spent nearly all her life. What was to come of her? Of her life? Would she remain among the dwarves once they
reached Erebor? Would they even make it there? Gandalf had not hidden the fact from her that it would be a very dangerous journey.

"Ugh." She said out loud to herself. "I wish I knew something of my future. It is all so uncertain." She vaguely had the thought that she didn't feel anymore as if she was searching for something. Had she truly found her purpose with these dwarves? "My bread for today. That is what father always taught me to seek, all I am to ask for from my Creator. Here it is, and for this I will be thankful."

She finished hanging the meat over the fire she had made, and was grateful to find a stream close to the camp. She washed her bloodied arms and face, and quickly changed her tunic. She began scrubbing the dirty tunic out when she noticed there was blood in her hair. She carefully removed the beads from her hair, placing them in their little leather pouch, and began the arduous task of taking out the long braids and washing her hair. Thankfully she had thought to bring her pack with her when her and Thorin had left the others to scout ahead. She had some soap for her hair and her comb. Once she was finished, she wrapped her wet tunic around her head, and went back to the fire. She put some more wood on, and began combing out her long locks. In the distance, she could hear the dwarves. "He did not get lost after all!" She said, smiling to herself.

A while later, the rest of the company arrived, bantering amongst each other. Poor Bilbo looked very unhappy, and Luliana wondered if he had ever been this far from home. And without a proper handkerchief, she thought with a little smile.

Suddenly Thorin was there, calling out orders, and Bombur was eyeing up the deer meat. "Won't make much stew," he started to say. "It will if ya keep yer hands off it!" Bofur shot back.

Luliana smiled, glad to have company. She stood from her spot, and glanced over at Gandalf who was cleaning his pipe. Always smoking that thing, she thought. She nodded at him when he offered her a warm smile. If nothing else, she was glad that he was on this journey. He had become such a dear friend to her.

She walked over to her pony, rubbing his soft muzzle and talking to him. She pulled out an apple, which he chomped eagerly. "Let's get this stuff off of you, Gypsy. Would you like a rest, my friend?" She removed the baggage and saddle from him, leading him over to the stream.

"We'll take care of your pony, Miss Luliana," offered Kili. "Uncle has put us in charge of the ponies. Don't you worry, we will take good care of him." He smiled respectfully, taking the reigns from her. Strange, she thought. He has never acted like that around me before. She shrugged, headed back to the fire. It was close to night fall now.