Equivocality

You, the Muse

I stood there, in my bed, smiling. Even if it was a filthy place, I still smiled. The ceiling had a vile green color, created by moss and humidity, yet I still stood there, looking at it with the brightest of smiles. My bed wasn't even a bed: it was an old mattress, riddled with brown and green stains that I never concentrate upon as to not vomit; I was lucky to find it in a dumpster. Yet, despite all that, despite the storm outside, despite my loud neighbours, despite those pitiless conditions, my lips were pursed in a radiant smirk. A sudden green flash of light blinked in front of my eyes, as if a very distant memory struck my inner thoughts. I closed my eyes, letting my heavy eyelids fall, a sigh escaping my lips.

"Oh, muse, my lovely muse. Come unto me. Embrace me with all your kindness and empathy, let your frail fingers run gently across my chestnut mane. Caress me as I slowly seep into the Dream. Oh, muse, my lovely muse. How much I long for your touch. Your pale skin is celestial, a blessing that I was granted by the higher patrons. Soft as silk, your touch raises every nerve in my body. I want to feel your body close to mine, I want to forever hold your hand, I want to gently run my fingers across your perfect features. Oh, muse, my lovely muse. How much I want to gently caress your long, brown hair. The hair that reaches your thighs and is slowly ran across my bare skin. Your body is angelic, your smell is divine. But that's not why I love you. No, not at all. You are my inspiration. You are everything that I endorse; you help me in my darkest times, emanating the brightest of lights in the depths of madness and corruption. You drive me and you mold me into a being that aims for perfection. Oh, muse, my lovely muse. Where are you?"

The pale girl stands right in front of me, stripped of clothes and impurities, showered with the gift of knowledge and beauty. Yet, it wasn't carnal beauty. Not for me, at least. I looked at her exposed body, yet I saw only a gem of a soul. The one that you can only see once in a lifetime. A gingerly and playful spirit was nestled inside this muse. It was kept clean, pure, gleaming. She was a rare stone. A stone of beauty immeasurable. And all that perfection stood there, right before my eyes, glancing at me with a shy smile. My hands made way for hers, our fingers interlocking as I gently approached. We were both disrobed of anything that belonged to the material world. We were both bare, naked; yet I was not pure. No. My soul was not as white as fresh snow; it had taints. Good and bad ones. It was a mix of everything. Everything but innocence and purity.

"Oh Maker, my only Maker. You molded me from nothing, you created me from scratch, you constructed me from a distant memory. And now I stand before you, bare, pure and with a lust for knowledge. You brought me to this world for a reason. And I want to seek that reason. I am young, you are aeons old. But despite that, I feel that we are connected; our minds coil with each other, our thoughts interlock just as our fingers. Our souls touch just as our flesh. You are my Creator, my everything. You brought me here to be your Muse. But oh, the world is big. And I want to be so much more. Oh Maker, my only Maker. You stripped me naked, yet your gaze is only upon my soul. Your eyes burn with the most powerful of flames, your soul is ignited by my mere presence. Yet you still sink deep in my soul and not meat. You are my guideline, my book, my rhythm, my verse and song. You are everything that I am not and I strive to reach you, to touch perfection, yet I can only dream of that. I endorse everything that you represent.

I stood there, listening to her as tears were slowly building up in my own eyes. But she was quick to wipe them with a tender touch that sent shivers all over my body. We stood there for moments, though it seemed like an infinity. Thoughts were running rampant in my head; it felt like the Genesis. We were in the Garden of Eden. Yet there was no God. No forbidden Fruit. No sly snake. It was just me and her. Our bodies were touching and our lips rushed to meet one another's, thus completing our love. We gave fully to each other, our souls mingling as we were. Not even I realized that, due to all that, I stained her. I made her who she was today and she made me. We completed each other, yet somehow, I still felt that we were galaxies away. I was cold and she was warm. Not the roles turned; and she left. She wanted the world for herself and I left her to it. She was my muse. My only muse.

I opened my eyes. I found myself staring at the same old ceiling, on the brink of falling and killing me. But it never did. And I never feared it. Until now. I got up from the old mattress and walked towards the only window in my apartment. I glanced outside, the rain was still pouring down in waves. Yet a figure was seen among the torrent: a girl with a green dress and a multi-colored umbrella. She stood there, looking up at my window with a devilish grin painted on her plump, violet lips. She stood there, starring into my soul before turning around and leaving. I knew that I'd see her again. I knew that I had to fight to reach my muse. I knew I had to be strong. All this meant that I was going to burst through that roof and beyond.