Don't Call Me Baby

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The Aftermath

I sobbed my heart out on my bed and it did me good. Questions, self-pity, self-recriminations mingled with my tears. I couldn't actually believe what had just happened. I couldn't believe Julian didn't tell me about Al/Joe. I still couldn't think of him as Al. I fell into the comforting, but ultimately hopeless act of wishing that if I closed my eyes tightly the clock would rewind and I would wake up to the sounds of the hounds barking this morning. Why had I turned off my bad boy radar? Why had I not demanded Julian to treat me as an equal? What could possibly be the reason for either of them not telling me the truth from the beginning? Was Joe right? Was what happened between us this afternoon really nothing to do with this 'truth'?

Eventually, the questions became louder in my head than my tears and I was exhausted, lying face down on the bed, still wrapped in the bathrobe, wanting answers, but daring not to seek them. Julian had entered the room and he sat beside me on the bed. When I realised his presence I turned my head from being buried in the pillow and looked at him through my swollen eyelids. Snot was dribbling from my nose, but I didn't care. The sobs had subsided to hiccups. He looked sad and sorry, and so he should.

"I'm so sorry Lola," he began, "I was angry I shouldn't have made a scene like that," I hiccupped back a sniffle in response. It was all I could manage. "I won't say that I tried to warn you," well, uh, you just did buddy, but heck I was too tired to point that out to him. "I just don't understand why you can't do what you're told?" he sounded perplexed rather than angry. There was nothing I could say without falling into the temptation of a tirade of verbal abuse at him, nor was I going to let him off the hook by contradicting him either. I just lay there, head to one side, staring at the pattern on the bedcover.

"I guess I owe you answers," true right, I thought, the words never quite reaching my lips. He told me that the agreement was that Al would carry out a separate investigation and as such his undercover position would be kept a secret. Julian only found out about Al/Joe because his aunt told him. Since Derek's death her marriage was on the rocks. Derek was their only child conceived after many miscarriages, with the loss of their only son she felt no reason to stay with Dan Lewis, her husband, as they had grown apart, not least because he was a serial philanderer. There was a lot of animosity that had been brewing as she had clearly married Dan in the first place for his money; it was not a love match.

She got to live a certain lifestyle and he got an upper class wife. His aunt and his mother were best friends as teenagers. It was how his parents had met and she took care of Julian and his sister when they returned to live with their father after their mother had died. He owed Mrs. Lewis for years of financial and emotional support, while he was growing up. Without her help his mother, who had received a pittance from the divorce because all the family money was wrapped up in trusts, would have struggled to bring up two young children. So Julian, like Jasper, was another rich young man without actually having any money. Well that explains him having a job, but it didn't make me pity him because no matter how much his mum might have struggled he still grew up in a home with a dining room.

His aunt had told him about Al's position and his separate investigation because she looked out for Julian. It was like a competition between husband and wife and now Julian was involved. He couldn't tell Lola before because it would have betrayed his aunt's trust. If her husband had found out she had been snooping through his papers - which was how she found out about Al - then she might get into trouble and it could weaken her position in the divorce. Therefore, Jasper disclosing the fact she was interested in buying this house made sense.

"I'm sorry Lola, I should have trusted you to be able to keep a secret, but I hardly know you," I made a gurgling groan but it never quite made it into speech. He turned to me, "I suspected that his motives were ulterior, that you were a pawn he was well positioned to take advantage of, and when he became separated from the rest of us this afternoon, and I couldn't find you when I got back, I put two and two together."

I rose slowly and wiped my nose on the sleeve of the robe. Hell, I didn't care if it was ladylike or not, I had no dignity left. I sat up and pulled the robe around me, still making the occasional hiccup. Julian moved to take my hand, but I moved it out of his reach. No, I thought, it won't comfort me and it would only make you think I might forgive you.

"Well," my voice hitched, "well it's... in the open now," I stumbled the words out.

"Yes," he looked sad and worried, "It is now and no doubt Al will be making a report to Dan Lewis as soon as he left my room, but I don't care, my aunt will manage. What I couldn't live with though is the thought of him using you as a pawn in all this. I made a promise to Pete." I wasn't entirely sure I could trust him. He exposed his aunt because he made a promise to Pete and he didn't want me to be a pawn in Al's game plan - could I believe him? Was he trying to tell me he was a man of integrity, because at this moment in time, I wasn't buying it one little bit.

He offered that if I no longer wanted this job he would ensure I was well paid. No fucking way, I thought, I want to buy my own place and I'll see this through to the end. I didn't have a rich aunt to rescue me. I was not going back to Pete's having failed miserably at my first case because I happened to be seduced by the office Romeo who also happened to be some American PI bodyguard fucking bastard.

"He had a girlfriend, Al must know about her," I really didn't want to talk any more about the scene in his room so I changed the subject. I couldn't face any more analysis, confessions or accusations. I'd had enough.

"Derek?" Julian was taken aback at the change of topic. I think he was expecting more drama from me, but I had had about all the drama I could take quite frankly.

"Yes," my voice grew a little bit stronger.

"How did you find this out?" I told him about the conversation in the kitchen and what Katie had told me about the phone call. I could tell Julian was excited at this piece of news. Well about as excited as a cold fish, who has just been really mean, can actually get. I stood up from the bed.

"So Julian, I suggest we join resources with Al because the girlfriend can only be Pam and let's face it he's the best one to get information from her." I could tell that Julian didn't like this one little bit, but on the other hand it made perfect sense too. He told me he would give it some thought. Truth be told, Julian no matter how handsome, was not the type to seduce information from the likes of the Pams of this world, Francescas maybe, but not Pams. He had looks in abundance, but seductive charm, not one iota.

"I'm going to get ready, wear that ridiculous dress you bought me and then we are going to talk about this tonight," I surprised myself that I was giving him instructions now. Thatta girl Lola, come back fighting! I didn't grow up on a tough estate in London to let this whole incident knock me down permanently. I lifted myself off the bed.

"I know you think I'm naïve, and with regards to Joe you might have a thing there, but I'm not as stupid as you clearly think I am," I went to the wardrobe and took the ridiculous dress from the hanger. "So if you could leave now I'd like to get ready." Get lost Mr. Icicle because Lola is about to embark on a mission and nothing is gonna stop her.

* * *

One of my favourite aphorisms in life is, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going". Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite highbrow enough of a phrase to be labeled an aphorism, but hell I'm no snob. As I got ready I thought of how Emm would deal with this, what she would say. I could almost hear her words in my head, "Well Lola babe, it could be worse right? So you were used, but you also got to have great sex with a man who has a body to die for and you didn't get sacked so the palace fund is still safe," yup that's how Emm would look at this and so that's how I would too.

I stood naked in front of the mirror before I slipped the dress over my head. Fuck it, I thought, who needs underwear. The dress was actually lovely on. It did cling and it did show a hint of my nipples underneath the dull shine of the silk. I did a twirl and thought that I actually had a very shapely back. This thought made me laugh. Most women thought of their assets as their butt, boobs, face or legs and here's me thinking my best asset was my back. I wore no jewelry - I had none suitable for a dress like this. I brushed my hair and my corkscrew black ringlets bounced around my face and shoulders. I stroked some vaseline onto my eyelashes, I was lucky in that they were long and curly, so no need for mascara. A quick application of lipstick, a deep pink colour, and I was ready. Oh wait, a squirt of body deodorant and now I was ready. Who needs expensive scent, hell I bet most men wouldn't know the difference anyway.