Breathless

Chapter 20

My family and Christian's family have been calling me for hours.

I can't answer the phone.

It's still pouring, and I feel so numb, that I find myself wandering the park in the pouring rain with no umbrella.

My hands are shoved into the pockets of my sweatpants, as if this soaked fabric is going to somehow keep me warm.

I have to get an abortion.

I can't be a Mom, not alone.

I stop, in the middle of the park, sobbing.

The rain disguises my tears, but I know better.

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Today I am exactly four months.

It's Friday, and my family is insisting on moving pizza night to tonight, and they promised me Christian wouldn't be there, so I said fuck it, maybe they'll forgive me, and I went over there.

His family's cars are here, but he isn't.

Now, I didn't tell them shit. I don't know if he told anybody.

I wander into the house, nervous, and he is here.

He's here.

I look at Mom.

"You told me he wasn't going to be here." I whisper.

Everyone turns around. They're all sitting, except Mom.

They're all staring at me, and I feel my eye welling with tears.

"Are you crying?" Shannon asks, shocked.

"You never cry." Madeline says.

I'm gonna be sick.

This is too much, and I have a headache.

I turn around silently, and make a move to leave, but Annie grabs me.

"Stop. You're not leaving!"

"Let go!" I groan.

"No!" she says.

I'm halfway out the door, and she's holding onto me, and I try to tug myself out of her grip, because I'm seriously going to be sick, but I can't.

"Let me go!"

"No!" she yells.

And then it happens.

I puke, right there, all over the floor.

It's all over the wooden door, the marble floors.

Annie lets go of me immediately, revolted, steppy away.

"What the hell, Erin." She says.

Silence.

Nobody speaks.

I'm standing here, frozen, staring at my huge pile of vomit on my grandparent's expensive marble floors and nice oak front door.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll clean it up, I didn't mean to!"

I start sobbing though.

Crying harder than I ever have, and everyone is on their feet now.

My knees start to get weak, and I crouch down in front of my puddle of puke, horribly.

CHRISTIAN'S POV

I was so mad at her for trying to kill my child. I was so, so angry.

But now, watching her like this, I see it.