Those Crumbled Walls

Title subject to change. This is my first story so give it a chance. the action hasnt started yet!!

Alicia to the side... I'm trying to pick some non famous people ----

Chapter 1

When Emotions run deep...

“I’m sorry; you’re just not what were looking for”

That’s what I hear on a daily basis but it still doesn’t hurt any less. I held my head high and thanked the director while trying to mask the devastation I felt, it wasn’t hard, that’s what actors do right? I took a deep breath, grabbed my bag and left the stage. In the changing rooms I took deep breaths to calm myself and mask my emotions, I’d learnt to do it long ago and it helped with rejection, having lifeless brown eyes is better than someone seeing the pain and glistening tears that threatened to fall. My curly brown hair that ran to the middle of my back stayed flat and my figure stayed slim and curvy no matter what I ate, so I am just plain Jane. Well Alicia actually. I changed back into my skinny jeans and kept the grey knitted jumper on and stepped into the brutal cold air of winter in London.

Outside, London looked how I felt, dull and grey with a promise of rainfall and my tears. I was so close to giving up but I didn’t want to be present at the ‘I told you so’ conversation with my father. He told me 6 years ago that I won’t get anywhere if I try to make it as an actor and I guess he was right.

 Walking through the over-populated streets of London, I couldn’t feel more alone. The families on outings, the couples eating lunch intimately and the busy walkers talking animatedly into their phones made my heart squeeze a little bit, I wouldn’t have anyone and I could never have a job as important as those, but the past is something I’m not ready to face. Taking deep breaths as I strolled across the bridge that was over the Thames River, I continued on my way home.

 Home was the small flat I lived in on the fourth floor, I didn’t have a lot of possessions because I didn’t make that much money, my only source of income comes from a waitressing job I have. My father paid for the flat each month but like I had always told him since I was 17 years old and told my father that when I finished secondary school, I wouldn’t further my education, ‘I’ll pay you back daddy’ and I’m 23 now and I know that it’s not true because I can’t.

I rounded of the bridge and continued to walk, my thoughts screaming at me to think about Molly, but it hurt so bad and not even my blank stare and emotionless face could cover up the pain that she brought and the way she was ripped from me, my heart jolted in my chest and my side started to spasm inwardly to the pain. I took deep breaths and turned on to the road of my building. The building had definitely seen better days, like around 50 years ago, now, the poor people from ‘shameless’ would laugh at my home. I pressed the code to enter and trudged past the broken lift and to the stairs, the red lino floor crawling with ants that were enjoying the sweet nectar of a kids dropped juice carton on the ground. The grey walls which were once white were scuffed with black marks and dents which continued throughout the whole building. When I reached flat 4B I sighed in relief and unlocked the door. I stayed in the hall for a few minutes, my head against the wall and breathing deeply to cement the bricks around my heart. I was interrupted by the shrilling of my mobile phone vibrating wildly against my left thigh.

“Hello?” I asked and yawned loudly

“What polite manners” My best friend Eva scoffed down the line

“Oh, hey Eva, not now ok” I replied feeling deadly tired

“What’s wrong Allie?” Eva switched to concerned

“Molly” I whispered so quietly, I felt the first blow to the bricks around my heart

“Allie, it was 3 years ago, it was horrible and we will always miss her, she was your baby sister and my best friend too, but don’t think about it until you’re ready, when you know you can forgive yourself and him for what happened” She whispered back