Shatter Me

Chapter 3

The above pictures are of whom I imagine as Sandra, Liam and Nathan. But you can imagine whomever you want.

The song is You Don't Know Love  by Olly Murs
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"If you are brave to say 'goodbye', life will reward you with a new 'hello'" 
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August 12, 2012

Dear diary,

Something is going to change in my life.

And possibly not the good change. I could feel it in my bones. I don't know what exactly but something . . . or maybe I was being paranoid.

I don't know why I wrote that. It's crazy. There's no reason for me to be upset and every reason for me to be happy, but . . .

But here I am at 5:30 in the morning, awake and agitated. I keep telling myself it's just that I'm all messed up from the time difference between Orlando and here. But that doesn't explain why I feel so distressed. So lost.

I mean isn't this what I wanted; to start my own life, be independent? Then why is it that I couldn't shake of the feeling as though I had done a terrible mistake by coming here . . . coming to London.

London- the one place where your dreams can come true.

Or at least the place where my dreams will come true. So obviously I should be happy and ecstatic, after all I have always dreamed of studying here, away from the eyes of control and judgement. But at this moment I felt anything but.

When I stood at the airport, waiting for my drive to come, I could feel the change happening. Back then I shook the feeling of thinking it was just me adapting the new atmosphere. But now . . .

Anyways, I shouldn't and wouldn't think about it. I should concentrate and focus on my future, think and plan what I should do next, maintain a low profile. The last thing I need is my photo making the headlines and ruining everything. But for now, I am going to relish my time over here.

Because you can never tell when a storm might come and scar your life forever.

Jordie stopped writing. She stared at the last line she had written and then shook her head, pen hovering over the small book with the lavender velvet cover. Then with a sudden gesture, she lifted her head and threw pen and book at the big bay balcony, where they bounced off harmlessly and landed on the floor.

It was all so completely ridiculous.

She sighed, getting of her bed and walked towards the balcony. It was huge enough to fit two of their bedrooms. She slid opened the glass door and instantly shivered at the cool early morning breeze.

Damn it!

She forgot that she was in her silk nightgown. She went inside to grab the thin layered robe. Jordie stepped outside the balcony closing the door behind her. She stood near the railing and looked at the scenery that had taken her breath away when she arrived here last night.

Below the city flowed in its tense way, bustling and honking. But 25 floors up she was far enough to be a passive observer, not troubled by its strife. She had never been afraid of heights. If anything she had always enjoyed them, especially during the night time, always fascinated by the city lights. The way it twinkled and danced was something she would always stare at. It had strangely always calmed her down, kept her distracted from thoughts that perturb her.