Over and Over (Lashton)

Day 5

It's dark in a cold December,

But I got you to keep me warm

If you're broken I will mend ya

And keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on.

~Ed Sheeran (but also kind of Luke Hemmings :) ), "Lego House"

Luke's POV

All the breath rushes out of my lungs.

"Ashton's had a breakthrough."

Michael and Calum burst out cheering wildly. I'm so relieved all I can do is relax my grip on Calum and try to breathe normally again.

The doctor smiles at our antics. "If you would like, you can see him in a little while. He's woken up on his own. It's like he knew."

I smile and let Michael and Calum fold me into a group hug. I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Ashton's going to make it. He's awake. I have the chance to tell him I love him.

I am more grateful than I can put into words. I've been given a second chance. I'm not going to screw it up this time, I'm not.

"We're going to get some food and fluids into him, since he's been fed through a tube for several days, and see what he can handle," the doctor tells us. "After we make sure all his vitals are working correctly and he's stable, we'll call you in."

"Thank you," I manage to say. Calum ruffles up my hair and I smile at the ground. I can't believe it. I want to cry, I'm that happy. All there is to do is hug and smile and enjoy the relief.

"I told you he'd make it," Michael says with a grin. "Now we just gotta get him out of here."

---

It's almost midnight when they tell us we can go see him.

Up until this point I have been excited and eager. After all, I have so much to talk about with him, I want to make sure he's okay, I need to see him for myself and make sure he's really alive and awake. I follow Calum and Michael tentatively. They're talking happily and suddenly I feel out of place.

This is what I have been waiting for. To be able to see Ashton. To touch him, hold him, hear his voice.

Yet somehow, I am afraid to go.

What if he's mad at me for not letting him go? What if he looks sick and pale and all too thin? What if he doesn't want to see me?

Michael pauses at the door next to me and asks carefully, "You okay? You're kind of pale and green."

"Could--could I go in alone?" I choke out, fidgeting.

Calum and Michael glance at each other. "Sure," Calum answers for him with a nod. "Take as much as you want. Just don't kill him."

I must have started to look even more sick, because Calum hastily amends, "Kidding, kidding. Too soon?"

"Too soon," Michael mutters.

I take a deep breath and push open the door, shutting it behind me as I cross the threshold. I steel myself for anything I might see.

Ashton lies on the bed, arms resting on the covers. An IV line snakes out of one wrist. He looks really pale, though not as much as I thought he would, and thinner than I remember.

Apprehensively, I approach the bed. He follows me with his eyes, equally fearful, it seems.

For a long time, neither of us say a word. I stand there at the foot of the bed, unable to say a word or even meet his eyes. I'm afraid of what I might see.