The Art of Losing Yourself

Chapter Five

Raven's P.O.V
I said nothing to the others as I insisted on walking back to the tower. I started walking down the street before anyone could stop me. Although it was very dark outside I didn't care, I needed some time alone to think about everything. 'How did Slade find out?' 'What if he tells the other Titans' and 'Would they really care if I were dead?' This question stopped me in my tracks. I stared blankly into space, thinking what they would do if I were to die tonight. And then it all made sense, 'They wouldn't care'

When I finally made it back to the tower I was soaked. It began to rain and I got drenched, but at least I could cry without anyone hearing or be able to notice. I walked in the door and saw all the Titans standing worried in the main ops room. I tried to quietly walk past them but they all noticed me. "Raven, where have you been? We've been looking for you for hours. And your soaked, where did you go?" I shifted uncomfortably under all of their worried stares. "She was probably buying some creepy emo stuff, I mean come on she's a freak." Terra said laughing and flipping her blonde hair.

"Terra what the f**k is wrong with you? Why did you just call her a freak?" BeastBoy asked rage was clear in his eyes. "Because it's the truth, what do you actually care about her? She's so creepy and freaky." She said arguing with BeastBoy pretending like I wasn't even in the room. "You know what you can shut your mouth, Raven is my friend and a part of this team. If you don't like her then why don't you just leave!" He yelled back. "You know what fine I will have fun with this team and the little witch. I bet you are secretly cheating on me with her." She yelled back but stopped right next to me. "This is all your fault you little slut." She said pushing me to the ground and kept walking to her room. BeastBoy held out a hand and helped me off the ground. "Thanks." I whispered but instead of saying anything he pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry Raven." I shrugged and eventually wiggled out of the hug.

I didn't know what to say so I just left and walked to my room. Giving the excuse that I was going to take a shower when really I just wanted to cry. I got stopped in the hallway by Terra. "I know he loves me, and he will come back to me. They'll all eventually realize that I'm right about you. I'll be back witch." She said pushing me yet again to the floor. Swaying her hips sassily all the way down the hall. I slowly got back up on my feet and quickly walked the rest of the way into my room.

I took a shower, more like a painful shower, and walked out of my bathroom. I got dressed and held my razor in my hand. Pulling up my sleeve I was ready to dig the razor once again, but I heard a knock on my door. I rolled my sleeve down quickly and put my razor in my hiding place. I walked over to the door and opened it halfway so they could only see half of my face. "Hey Raven." BeastBoy said rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. "Hey." I said allowing him to see the rest of my face when I fully opened the door.

We stood in an awkward silence before he finally said something. "So I, I mean we, we were wondering if you would like to watch a movie with us. I mean cause you've barely come out of your room and you look like you've had a rough month you know with Terra. So what do you say?" He asked. I was looking over my options. Either go with them and have to answer a bunch of question. Or I can stay here and keep wallowing in my self hate.

"Um I'm really tired, and I haven't meditated all day." I said. He looked disappointed. "Oh okay, well will you at least eat breakfast with us, that'd be nice. Since we've barely seen you." I felt so bad for making him upset. "Okay, I'll eat breakfast." I said and his smile grew huge. "Awesome I'll see you tomorrow, night Raven." He said and walked down the hallway happily. I smiled, but the happiness quickly disappeared. 'He just feels bad for me, he just misses Terra. He doesn't really like me.'

Sighing I picked up the razor again. And sliced a few cuts into my skin. This was how my life was going to be. And for some reason I knew it would happen to end like this.  I finally put the razor down, I pulled my sleeve. I don't know how much more fake attention I can handle. I left my room wanting some tea. The main ops room was dark, they must've went to the movies instead of staying here. Makes sense cause the movie we have here, have been watched millions of times.

I turned on the light in the kitchen and began getting out my tea kettle. I really need some tea, since this morning Terra broke my tea cup. This morning was terrible, but I'm just happy she's gone. As I was waiting for the tea kettle to whistle I began to look through the fridge. I barely eat anymore and I'm super hungry. While I was looking in the fridge the lights went out. This was very suspicious, given the facts that it wasn't storming and there was no other possible explanation other than a fuse broke.

I heard footsteps leading into the main ops room and I could feel fear pumping through my whole body. I felt a chill run up my spine as two hands grabbed the sides of my waist. "Hello there Raven."

A/N cliffhanger!!!!!!!! I know I know you probably all hate me but I had to. I'll update soon promise since tomorrow is the last day of school and I'm super excited. Well anyway my lovely people reading this story, I hope you all are enjoying this story and I'll see you all next time I update. Until next time bye!
~Jordan