Command Me

Chapter 25 (Final chapter)

(Not edited)

~ Perrie's Pov ~

I turned the key over in my hand, still trying to decode its meaning. But its existence was as unfathomable to me as Jade's absence from my life. Two weeks later and I was still trying to convince myself that I had done the right thing. There'd been no word from her. No phone calls. My only contact with her was on the cover of whatever tabloid she'd landed on each day. Jade certainly wasn't sitting at home and forcing herself to eat and get dressed every morning. She hadn't forgotten how to breathe without me. In fact, the only indication I had that she regretted what had happened in Norfolk was this brass key.
Jesy poked her head into my room and found me curled up in bed. "You can't go."
"I just wish I knew what it meant," I admitted, my fingers closing over the notched blade as I wondered once again what it opened.
Jesy was right though. The only thing I knew for certain about this key was where it came from. It had arrived mid-week in a cream envelope sealed with a red wax stamp that set my heart racing. But there had been no explanation included. No apology. No plea for another chance. The envelope had simply contained this key and a notecard with an address and tomorrow's date scrawled across it.
I didn't have to look up the address, because I recognised the name of the quiet street in Notting Hill. What I didn't know was what waited for me if I went there.
There was no doubt that Jesy wanted me to stay away because she was angry with Jade. But the real reason I couldn't bring myself to go was because as long as I stayed away, the key could open anything. It was pathetic, and I knew it. Still, that small sliver of hope was my lifeline.
"What would you do if you saw her?" she asked, coming to sit next to me.
I shrugged, blowing a thin stream of air through my lips in an effort to steady myself. I'd not yet reached the point where I didn't want to cry at the mention of Jade. "Maybe I'd ask her why," I said in a small voice. "Why she kept seeing me? Why she doesn't love me?"
Jesy draped her arm over my shoulder and hugged me close. "Do you think she'd actually tell you?"
"Probably not," I admitted. "I feel so stupid for thinking it meant more to her, too."
"Uh-uh," Jesy clucked. "Falling in love isn't stupid."
"It is when you always choose the wrong person," I said.
"You're human, Pez, and you've made mistakes in the past. But I saw how cautious you were after you left Zayn. If you chose Jade, there was a reason for it," she said softly. "Maybe you can't see that right now, but you will someday. And even if Jade's too dense to realise what she had, remember that she helped show you that you are strong. Stronger than you thought."
"I wish that lesson hadn't been quite so painful," I croaked as the tears I'd been fighting broke through.
Jesy kissed my cheek. "You're strong enough to survive this."
I hoped that she was right. It felt as though I'd walked through fire that stripped my skin and left me exposed.
Raw.
Vulnerable.
Walking, eating, existing every moment was agonizing. I didn't feel strong. All I felt was this perpetual cycle of despair. Each morning I remembered that it was over, and my heart shattered again. I spent the day gathering the fragments and trying to piece myself back together. Maybe Jesy was right, and I would survive this. Maybe the piercing anguish would fade into the dull ache of regret. But I knew one thing: there was no getting over Jade.
"I didn't even see it happening until it was too late. I mean...I guess you never know when you're making love to someone for the last time." I couldn't quite shake the regret I felt over how we'd spent our final moments together.
"It's cruel," she agreed.
Opening my fist, I held out the key.
"What do I do with this?"
"You know how I feel about it," she said, "but how do you feel?"
"It's like I'm clinging to it. As long as I don't go, it can mean whatever I want it to."
"That's no good, darling."
"I know," I whispered, "which is why I need to go."
How could I explain to Jesy that I still felt Jade's hold on me like the tug of an invisible string? I was bound to her, even as each passing second frayed the edge of that connection. Now all I wanted was to sever it and break free of her. Jade made it clear that she didn't return my feelings, but it was too late to stop myself from loving her. Holding on to hope was paralyzing me, and with each passing day, I felt the paralysis spreading like poison. It was killing me.
"Do you want me to come with you?" she offered.
I wasn't surprised that she wanted to tag along, but having a sidekick wasn't going to make this any easier. "No, I need to face this alone."
I had the rest of my life to endure alone I might as well start facing it now.
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I was in a cab the next morning before Jesy was out of bed. She hadn't fought me on going, but she was worried and her concern only made me more nervous.
I had no clue what waited for me in Notting Hill, but I sure as hell wasn't out to impress anyone today. The plan was pretty simple.
Get in. Get out. Get over it.
My breath hitched when the taxi slowed to a stop in front of a gated row home.
"This it, miss?" the driver asked.
I couldn't get a word past the lump in my throat, so I nodded and shoved cash in his hand.
I clutched the key so tightly that it cut into my skin as I approached the house. Behind the gate, there was a garden in full bloom and a stone path that led to red steps and the door beyond. Judging from the water pooling at the edge of the walkway, someone had tended the plants recently. It was likely Jade was here. My heart jumped in my chest, and I took a deep breath. See if the key works before you get excited, my rational side advised.
I dropped it twice, trying to insert it into the lock with trembling fingers. The key turned and the gate swung open, welcoming me inside the private sanctuary. Pausing amongst the flowers, I couldn't help wishing I were here under different circumstances. This place was a dream as cozy and inviting as the neighborhood to which it belonged. But right now I was too tense to enjoy it. I'd brought Jade to Notting Hill, and the memories weighed on me, turning my favorite place into somewhere I wanted to avoid.
I'd come back though. If for no other reason than to push this all into the past. I climbed the steps, resolved to get this over with, but as I reached for the bell, I spotted a red rose tucked into the door handle. I took it gingerly, pricking myself on the thorny stem despite my care. Tears welled in my eyes and blood welled on my fingertip. There was no reason to believe it was for me, but I knew it was. Just as I knew that key was going to unlock the gate. It was the same vibrant scarlet as the one I'd worn in my hair the night of the ball. The night where everything had changed between us.
The door opened, startling me out of the web of memories I'd become trapped in. The sight of her knocked the air from my lungs, and I gasped, tying to remember how to breathe. I'd spent the last two weeks dreaming of her face, but seeing her before me, I realised those fantasies hadn't even touched on her beauty.
Jade's first couple of buttons on her shirt was unbuttoned, revealing her black bra. My body betrayed me, responding instinctively to the magnetic energy sizzling between us.
This was a mistake.
Whatever reason she had for asking me to come here, it had been a mistake to come. The tears fell freely down my cheeks, and I didn't try to stop them. The pressure in my chest built until I heaved with unrestrained yearning.
Jade reached for my hand, spotting the small wound on my finger. She brought it to her lips and sucked away the blood before placing a gentle kiss on the spot. The gesture was small but not insignificant. When her arm coiled around my waist, I didn't resist her.
I couldn't.
So much for being strong, the critical voice in my head sneered.
But her mouth silenced my fears as it pressed against mine. The kiss was tender and hesitant, and her lips moved slowly. Salt mingled with her taste on my tongue, and I pulled away to discover the tears weren't mine. Jade dropped to her knees, burying her face against my stomach.
My eyes closed, relishing the peaceful sensation that washed over me. I was desperate for her touch, even though it couldn't ward off the inevitable.
"You're thinner." Jade's tone was measured, but I heard the edge of accusation in it along with something else that sounded a lot like fear.
I had wondered if she would catch the slightly sharper angle of my cheekbones or the tautness of my belly. The colour had drained from my world when I left her, and along with it, life's flavors. I'd been relying on alarms more than I had for a long time, but I was taking care of myself.
"I'm okay," I said in a soft voice. "I haven't had much of an appetite, but I am eating."
"You can't..." She choked on the words. "Not because of me. Promise me, Perrie."
Her alarm caught me off guard, and I struggled not to read more into her concern. "I promise."
After a few minutes of silence, I couldn't wait any longer to understand why she'd asked me to come here. "Where are we?"
Jade rose to her feet and wove her fingers through mine, leading me though the hallway into a living room. Now that the shock had worn off, I digested my surroundings. The home was fully furnished and artfully decorated with a mixture of antiques and clean, modern touches. A fireplace with an exquisitely carved mantle was the focal point of the living area. A plush, linen-upholstered sofa sat across from it, and the rest of the room combined vintage and contemporary into a warm, welcoming space.
"You're asking the wrong questions," she said. My core clenched as I drank in the familiar rasp of her voice. Jade's eyes hooded as though sensing my sudden, urgent arousal, but she didn't make a move.
"Twenty questions again, Jade?"
She shook her head, her tongue wetting her lips as she did. "No games, baby."
I stared around us, trying to comprehend why we were here while fighting the dizzying effect of her presence. I'd been too long without her. Now Jade's nearness was almost overwhelming.
"Why are we here?"
"You're getting warmer." She moved close enough to me that I felt her hot, sweet breath on my face.
"Whose house is this?" I asked so quietly that she shouldn't have been able to hear me.
Jade's mouth dropped to my ear and whispered, "Ours."
I pushed her away and stared at her, trying to make sense of what she was saying. Had she lost her mind? "I don't understand."
"This is our normal," she explained, spreading her hands. "This is our sanctuary."
There were so many questions crowding into my brain that I had a hard time choosing one, but there was one that I couldn't even guess the answer to. "How?"
"The house is in Lauren's name," Jade told me. "I pay for it, of course, but this way we maintain our privacy."
I walked around the room in a slow circle. Jade's eyes followed me, but she hung back as I absorbed what she was telling me.
"You mean to maintain secrecy," I said, turning back to her.
"Privacy. Secrecy," she repeated the words with a shrug as though they were the same thing.
The problem was that they weren't.
"Here we can be Jade and Perrie. Nothing between us," she continued.
"Except the secrets."
Jade crossed to me so swiftly that I barely processed her reaction before her arms were around me. "Not between us. Nothing between us."
"Oh Jade," I sighed. "Everything is between us. Can't you feel it?"
"I don't want it to be." Her eyes pleaded with me, and I saw the agony I felt reflected in them.
"Your mother expects you to get married. She has it all planned." And those plans don't include me.
"I can't control what she plans, but that doesn't mean she can force me to do anything."
"Did you know about her plans?" I asked.
Jade hesitated, and I already knew her answer before she spoke. "Yes."
Wrenching away from her, I held out a hand to warn her to stay back. "I've spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what I'd done wrong. Because I don't believe loving you is wrong."
Her stance shifted, her eyes going distant. "Perhaps not for you. I stayed away because I felt it was unfair. I felt like I was leading you on."
"And this isn't doing just that?" I cried, my heart breaking all over again. I'd given her a chance to fight for me and she'd put up a wall. "Why are we even here?"
"Because I need you." Jade spoke harshly. Her words indicting me, as if I had tricked her.
"But you don't love me," I whispered.
Jade's hand ran through her hair as she shook her head. "I don't love you. I don't understand why you thought that I ever would."
"The mixed signals you give me, Your Majesty." I practically spit her own words back at her. "That's a dangerous thing to do with a girl like me. What is this? A place to fuck me in? A little hideout your mother doesn't know about so you can keep your tart a secret, because you can't have me showing up in the press?"
"That's not what this is!"
"Then tell me what it is," I pled, my anger faltering, "because I'm trying to understand. I really am." I was desperate to understand, because even as I stood here so close that I could reach out and touch her, I felt her slipping through my fingers.
Jade's jaw tightened, and when she finally turned the full force of her gaze on me, I staggered back a step as it smoldered through me. "Anyone who has ever loved me is dead."
I broke for her all over again, shaking my head softly. "I'm sorry, Jade. But I'm not dead. I'm right here and you can't make me stop loving you."
Jade crossed the distance between us, and I didn't stop her as she drew me roughly against her, cupping my chin firmly. "I won't destroy you."
"You already have," I whispered.
Her hands dropped from me in defeat. "I never meant for this to happen."
"I know, but I'm a big girl, Jade," I told her. "You can't control me. You can't control who I love."
"Stop," she demanded, and I wasn't certain if she was ordering me to be quiet or to stop loving her.
I wasn't capable of either. "That's why I can't stay. I can't pretend that everything's okay. I can't pretend not to love you. I think that would hurt worse than leaving you. I'm sorry, Jade. I can't be your secret."
"One night," she said. Her voice simmering with longing. "Stay with me one night and if you can walk away in the morning, I'll let you go."
I shook my head even as my earlier words replayed in my mind: you never know when you're making love to someone for the last time.
"Let me show you," she said.
Show me what? How it's going to be? How capable you are of giving me the one thing you say you can never give me? A stronger woman would walk away, but my resolve crumbled under her blazing eyes. If I left now, I would always wonder what would have happened if I had not. Going to bed with her would tear me open and rip out my heart, but the break would be clean. No regrets.
My fingers trembled as I found the hem of my shirt and drew it over my head. Jade froze, watching me lustily as I stripped off my jeans. My bra and panties followed until I stood before her naked. "One night," I agreed. Someday she might look back and hear the truth hiding in those simple words.
Jade swept me from my feet and carried me toward the stairs, her lips pressing urgent kisses to my neck up to my jaw as she trailed her mouth slowly toward mine. Desire ignited in my core as she captured my lips, parting them to plunge her tongue with slow, deep strokes into my mouth. My hands undid  her shirt and pushed it off her shoulders.
Laying me carefully across the bed, Jade stole over me. I ripped off her bra and tugged open her skinny jeans and pushed them down. She kicked them off along with her underwear and moved between my legs, her thick member finding its way without guidance. I gasped as she entered me with one powerful thrust. Her mouth found mine again, and she kissed me, her lips lingering deliberately. Cruising lower, she trailed along the hollow of my neck down to the one between my breasts. Jade planted a soft kiss there before she caught my nipple in her mouth, swirling her tongue over it with languid strokes. My hands fisted into the sheets, arching against her, frantic for contact.
Jade's hips rolled deftly as she speared me, stretching my cleft. I moaned as she pressed harder, fucking me deeper. Then she withdrew from me, and I cried out, hungry and empty. Sitting up on the bed, she slid her hand behind my back and lifted my quivering body to her lap. Jade's hands cradled my back as I sank onto her member, savoring the delicious ache as I swelled around her. She filled me, and she moved slowly as I adjusted to the pitch of her shaft. It was buried deep inside me, and I circled it as the pressure built through my body.
The position was intimate, and it was impossible to escape each other's eyes and the questions they held. Jade wasn't taking me, she was appealing to me. I felt her confusion as acutely as I felt the fevered heat of her skin. In that moment, it was impossible not to see through one another. Jade's hands clutched my back, stilling my movement, and I understood the unspoken request.
She wanted to make it last. One final night of wholeness.
My index finger traced the curve of her face, mapping it. I brushed it over her lips, memorizing their soft fullness. My eyes met her's, and I fixed the truth I saw shining from them in my mind as my hands traveled over her body, committing each inch of her to memory.
"Say it, Perrie," she coaxed hoarsely.
Her wish was my command. One final night of domination.
"Jade," I breathed, "I love you."
Her eyes closed as her member spasmed against my velvet channel, pouring inside me, and I spilled over with her, unwinding in her arms. The pleasure splintered across my limbs in brilliant fireworks that fragmented as they rained through me. I rode the torrent of pleasure as I repeated those words.
I repeated them to fill a lifetime. One final night of affirmation.
Jade didn't release me as she collapsed onto the bed, instead she entwined her limbs with mine until there was no beginning and no end to us. We lay in silence until I felt her swell inside me, and then we began to move again.
"I will never have my fill of you. I crave you, Perrie. I crave your body, your taste. Without you..." She trailed away, her eyes flashing with pain. "I...I..."
And then she was pumping into me again, fulfilling me the only way she knew how, and I clung to her.
One final night of words unspoken.
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I slipped silently from the bed, untangling myself from Jade's sleeping form when the alarm clock on the bedside table read six a.m. She'd only fallen asleep a few hours ago. She'd fucked me until I was near collapse, as if she knew the moment she withdrew from me I would vanish.
We'd spent yesterday in bed, only leaving to feed ourselves before returning back to each other's bodies. But even as we laughed and lived and touched one another, I forced myself to make a thousand silent goodbyes.
Goodbye to that dirty, sexy mouth that curved so effortlessly into a smirk. Goodbye to that tangle of silky, brown hair. Goodbye to her protective streak. Goodbye to the moment of deliberate hesitation before she filled me.
Goodbye to the women I loved.
I dressed quickly and found a pad of paper in the kitchen. In the end, I realised there were no words. I'd said what I needed her to hear. Anything else would just be an excuse, and I couldn't bear to leave it that way when we both knew the truth. We both saw the wall standing between us, and we both knew we couldn't tear it down alone.
I left the key on top of the paper. This home had been ours for one perfect, bittersweet day.
Stopping at the door, I closed my eyes and searched for the strength to walk through it.
"This it it?" Jade's voice startled me from my concentration, and I whipped around to face her. Jade's body was tense, bracing for my response. I saw the torment in her eyes, and I fought the urge to comfort her.
"I'm sorry Jade." I held my hand up, knowing if she touched me, I couldn't go through with it.
"Perrie." She looked at me with a sadness that twisted through me, but she didn't come any closer. "Please."
I closed my eyes, unable to take the sight of her beautiful face, and shook my head as my fingers closed over the doorknob. "I can't be your secret."
Pushing open the door, I staggered into the crisp morning air as she called after me. I ran, but I couldn't escape the pain. I was in motion even as my world ceased to exist even as it all collapsed around me.
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Hey guys!

Well this is it, this is the end of command me. Thank you so much guys for all the votes and encouraging and supportive comments you guys have made throughout this whole book I couldn't of done it without you guys thank you for just being so amazing!

So... Who would like a sequel?
Because I don't think Jade and Perrie's journey isn't over yet what do you guys think?

Thank you so much guys I really couldn't of finished this book with every single one of you amazing readers