When I went back to you I was a broken man.
The hell I endured before I was sent to the coast and the hell I endured in that prison they call a hospital truly broke me.
I left broken but not defeated.
I should've put the pieces back together myself.
I let you back into my life to do it for me, because I thought I saw a glimmer of hope, a glimmer of what we once had and thought perhaps that would nurture me back to my old self.
In the end I just let you hurt me again and truly was forever changed.
Did you really ever cared is all I want to know?
Was what we had real or was I your pawn?
It's my fault I got hurt because I let you back and by doing so, I also hurt you in ways I'll never know.
But I trusted you'd be there to pick up the pieces of me.
To be willing to bear the burden I couldn't bear alone.
But it was too much for you.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for hurting you, sorry for my harsh words that were only said out of fear of letting you hurt me again.
Sorry for not being there for you when you needed me because of my own weakness.
And I'm sorry for myself and for you, that I let you back into my life.
I've bled my life away, drank till my liver was flooded, smoked till my lungs shriveled up.
But no more.
You've moved on.
I can't.
Because in the end you just will never understand how much I love you.
And I can't get rid of it, but I can carry it with me as I move on.
