Because Of You

Chapter 18

John POV

I was sobbing heavily. Tear after tear my vision became blurry, but I could still see his rage and anger. I could still hear how he would bang his fist in the door and his threatening screams. My face still hurt from when he hit me, can he blame me when I called him Sebastian, they're the same person.

They were both over- controlling, stubborn, arrogant, over- protective, and abusive. I never got rid of Sebastian, I just got a nicer version of him in disguise of an angel. I was trying to listen for Diana's crying, but thankfully she didn't wake up. The thing that shocked me the most is when he threatened to take away Diana away. My daughter. He isn't her real father, Sebastian is her real father, I'm the one who went through nine months of bullshit every day, no Sherlock, not Sebastian.

My lungs were begging for air, but I couldn't breathe properly with all the crying, after a few minutes, I finally calmed down. I decided to go upstairs to Diana's room, I went up quietly not trying to wake up Sherlock. I opened the door slowly, and went to check up on Diana. She was awake, but I guess she didn't cry, she gave me a wicked giggle. She knew she wasn't suppose to be up, Diana knows how to me mad or happy.

She jumped on the crib and weird sounds (baby language) were coming out of her mouth. She lifted her arms to me telling me to carry her, she only did this with me never with Sherlock.

"Hello princess, what are you doing up, huh?", I carried her and have her a kiss on the forehead, but she didn't giggle when she was how red my cheek was.

"Oh-oh", she was pointing to my right cheek, I went to the mirror next to her bookshelf. It was a forming bruise, right below my eye, what am I going to tell the school.

"Yeah baby, daddy had a owie ", I gently touched it but I still winced. She noticed the pain I'm going through, so she gave me a kiss right on the bruise. It did hurt, but it made her smile, that was enough for me.

"Come on baby, lets go to sleep", she cling on to me tighter, shaking her head 'no'.

"No sleep, huh, alright then we'll sleep on the rocking chair then", I sat us on the chair, and we fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up with someone giving me kisses on the mouth. The light from the sun made me squint at it, I opened my eyes to see a blue eye small creature smiling.

"Morning beautiful", I stood up a little sore from the sleeping position I was in. I was reaching for the door when I remembered what happened last night. I swallowed not trying to scare Diana, she's smart she will know something is wrong. I opened the door slightly and walked down the stairs, with my shaking legs ready to give out. I smelled the sweet scent of tea, Sherlock  usually does the morning tea, and I do breakfast.

Sherlock was sitting on the dining table reading the paper and tea next to him. I ignored his presence and settled Diana in the living room, Sherlock looked up.

"John?", he gave me his full attention, but I just ignored him.

"Hm?", I started to change Diana's diaper.

"John, look at me", he was right on back of me, his voice was small.

"Sherlock, I'm busy, just tell me what you want", I finishes changing Diana's diaper and picked her up, then headed for the trash can, when a hand stopped me.

"John... I just want to say that I'm sorry for last night, I don't know what got over me", he gently rubbed his hand on my bruise shoulder from last night. Of course if he thinks that I will get over it that easy then he is dead wrong, so I just shrugged him off. 

"That's nice of you", I smiled at him and walked to the kitchen ignoring his 'da fuck' stare.

"John I mean it, you know that, right?", he followed me to the kitchen, I was to busy getting Diana's bottle to listen to him.

"John, please look at me", he was at the other side, of the table begging his lungs out. Lies is all I will hear isn't it.

"JOHN!", Diana jumped and  hid herself on my neck, I was also scared up to this point, but I couldn't let her know. Sherlock noticed Diana's actions and calmed down a bit.

"John, please I don't want to do this in front of her", he pointed at 'my' frighten daughter.

"What don't you want to do in front of her? Hit me!", I sat her down in her chair, away from him and she took the bottle from me. I looked back at Sherlock who was astonished at my words.

"John I told you that I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of it", he got closer to us, and I stood protectively in front of her.

"Well I did, all of it", I looked at him straight in the eye to tell him to tell him to fuck off.

"No, John you don't, you couldn't of", he tried to kiss my cheek but I pushed him away.

"Yes I did, oh and, don't ever threaten to take Diana away form me, do understand me?", I mocked his words from last night, he took a step back getting the hint that I was very serious.

He swallowed and shook his head 'yes', I went back to Diana who was completely done with her bottle. I walked by Sherlock and turned on the cartoons for Diana and went to take a shower.

"Don't bother, I told Mycroft to call the school that we had fallen sick and will not be attending school for a week. Or until we make up", he sat on his armchair and his usual thinking position.

I sighed. Of course, Mycroft always had something to do without our problems, "Sherlock I don't know if you have seen the bruises on my both my shoulders and another one in my eye. Now I don't know what makes you think I want to talk to you", I poured myself a cup of tea in my favorite mug and sat on top of the counter.

"Yes, John, I have seen them and I already told you how sorry I am, why won't you believe me?", I looked back to him and then to Diana, who luckily wasn't paying attention to us.

"Because the last person who told me 'I'm so sorry, I promise it will never happen again', broke that promise and guess what, it did happen again. After a few more weeks it got worse than a fist, nine months later I'm surprised by her", I pointed to Diana, it seamed as I was holding my breath when I spoke, I let out a sound of relieve when I sucked in air.

"Are you comparing me to Sebastian?", he stood up questioning me.

"Yes, I because to be honest I'm finally seeing the dark side of you, and you and Sebastian are almost the same goddam person", I got off the counter and walked closer to him.

"Stop comparing me to Sebastian!", he walked up to me and threw me against the wall once again.

"What are going to do about it, huh? Rape me, like Sebastian, make me do stuff that I don't want to do, fuck me until my hole bleeds. Well are you? Answer me dammit!". My anger will never be pretty side of me but I'm glad that Sherlock is finally seeing it.

He looked down at the floor, I was hearing sobs coming out of him, then he let go of me. He turned around not facing me, "John, you know that I will never do such a thing to you. You might have forgotten but I was also a rape victim, I know how it feels to wake up hopeless tied up to the bed. I will never put you through that again, okay, and last night, John... I only did that because I don't want you to come home injured. I was only trying to protect you, but now I understand, that being an army Doctor is all you've wanted to be. And your right, you never needed my person permission to go, so if you wanna go, then go"

I stood frozen still up against the wall, I've never heard him so broken in fear. His eyes were puffy and glooming red from all the crying. After the speech, I took him in for a bone crushing hug, which kind of surprised us both. He was crying all over my shoulder and slowly we met the floor. I planted kisses on his forehead and playing around with his hair. I looked back to Diana, she stopped playing with her toys and played attention to crying Sherlock.

"Diana baby, come here I think you dad needs a hug from his favorite daughter", Sherlock chucked and Diana crawled to Sherlock arms. They were both my world and nothing could change that.

"I hate loving you", I whispered in his ear and he grinned.

"I love you, too", he reached for a kiss.