Austin's Second Bio xD

I Decided

Umm, alright well i just decided that i would take FULL custody of Kayla,

Seriously the second hardest decision i had to make... Shes my life, shes my everything, shes all i got.... Kayla is my baby sister and i love her to death, and I can't find life without her...

I know I won't be the best at taking care of her... I mean I'm only 18 years old for crying out loud. Im being forced to grow up WAY to damn fast..

I lost both my parents, we don't have much family around, my mother didn't want her siblings or parents seeing her struggle so she cut the connection off.... I don't know any of my family, but i do have some friends.

Taking care of Kayla on my own... That is fucking crazy and I'm not even 100% sure that i can do that...

I have a job at a restaurant, i finished school, Kayla and i still live in the apartment that my mother got us when she was still with us..

I don't feel anything right now cause im on anti depressants, not many people know this about me... But ive been very depressed for quite awhile now... Before my mother even got sick, that was like around winter break...

Typical...

Emo depressed little fuck,

Yep...

I can't explain why i was depressed, but i was, and i got treated for it...

And the way it all works is, when im feeling sad.. The medication changes that sadness into this Fake happiness... Its not even happiness to be honest, see normally if your feeling sad your well sad right? Well depression is like that, tired, sad, upset, whatever... I was that, got teated for it and still on the meds,
I havent let a tear down my face at all ever since i got put on the medication.. When im sad the meds chage the sadness into nothing, i feel nothing..

and after my mother passed, i wanted to cry... Hard..

I still wanna cry but the meds im not wont let me, i feel nothing

I hate that i feel nothing

Fuck my mother died and i feel nothing

See in the passed i updated some posts saying that i was breaking down, youd see me crying when i say breaking down... But i felt nothing at the time... I just wanted to feel something... I wanted to break down, i wanted to cry... I couldnt cause i felt fucking nothing... Nothing at all

Well...

Anyways...

I took full custody if Kayla

And i know it's going to be hard

But the hardest thing I haven't done yet

I haven't told Kayla what happened to Mother yet

And thats because im fucking scared

I don't want to see her cry

I don't want her to hate me for telling her this

I don't want to tell her what happened

I don't want this to be true

Im fucking terrified

Fuck

I don't know anymore..