Conner and Lexi

My Son Malachi Kayden James

“IS HE OK!!!?? WHY IS HE NOT CRYING??” I yelled my mum and Jade both rushed over to him

“HE will be FINE lexi” spike tried to calm me, mum came over             

“Hes not breathing they are working on him he’s so tiny we don’t understand whats happening he shouldn’t be so small since the girls are at a decent weight” mum told me I could tell she was a little destressed

“IS HE GOING TO BE OK” I screamed

“I’m not sure sweetie” all of a sudden I heard 

“WE GOT HIM!  WE GOT HIM! HES BREATHING!!”  I nearly blacked out with relief as I heard everyone say “THANK GOD”  but he still not crying

“WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HIM” I said as I saw him being rushed away somewhere. I got no reply

“MUM GO WITH HIM” I YELLED and then she did, I looked around for my girls and they were not in the room

“Spike where the girls at!” I asked

“The nurses took the girls to the nursery” he said as the nurse came over to me and said

“ Hi sweetheart  we are not sure why your son is so small  and he’s not breathing on his own, he’s gone to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit”

“I WANT TO SEE HIM” I yelled at her

“You will soon ok we need you to cleaned up and have a little rest ok and then feed your daughters”

“Fine”

An hour later it was time to see my girls again and then I will go see my son

 “Lexi I’m going to go home but I will be back later on ok” spike said to me

“Sure thanks for staying with me it means allot” I said back to him

“No problem” he said as he walked out the door and the next minute the nurse bought in my girls

“EMILY, ADDISON” I said in excitement

“They are perfect little angels” the nurse said as she hand one of the girls over to me

“I know thanks” I looked at my baby girl’s name tag and it said Emily I was holding my wonderful baby girl Emily my oldest daughter

“Would you like to hold you other daughter too?” the nurse ask

“Yes please” I said as I put Emily in-between my legs and held my hands out for my daughter Addison

“I will leave you alone for a little bit but then I will come back to help you feed them ok” she said as she handed my baby over to me

“Ok thanks, how is my son?” I asked

“Hes still not breathing on his own, his lungs are not fully developed we are not sure why since he was born at nearly full term and the both the girls are fine, your son only weighs 4 pound 8 ounces that is another concern as well but other than those reasons he is in perfect shape as soon as he’s breathing on his own we are hoping he will start breathing on his own later on today , he also needs to be feeding good , also he need to be at least 6 pound 5 ounces and then you will be able to take him home, the girls will be able to leave when you get discharged” the nurse said

“Ok thanks when can I see him?” I asked

“After the girls are fed”

“Thanks” I said then she left me with my girls I put Addy next to Emily and started to talk to them

“Hello my Angels its mummy , Ive been waiting for a very long time to meet you, so has your daddy , he isn’t here right now but you will meet him oneday hopefully sooner rather then later”

I heard a knock on my door

“COME IN” I said

“Hey how are you” Jade said as she came in

“I’m good I just got my girls back but I want to see my son have you seen him?” I asked

“I just came back from the N.I.C.U. I took a picture of him for you he’s gorgeous he look just like Conner” Jade said as she passed me her phone to look at the picture

“OMG he does look like Conner , I hate the tube down his mouth but I know it’s helping him, Jade I don’t understand how he’s here first I was having one baby then they found two and now I got three”

“He was hiding the whole time , the girls got all the good stuff that they needed from you but your son didn’t get much that’s why he’s so underweight but he will be ok” jade said to me

“I hope so I picked out a name for him it is Malachi Kayden James” I said to her

“That’s perfect, can I please have a hold?” she asked as she looked down at my angels

“Sure Emily or Addison?” I asked her

“Emily please”

I picked her up and handed her over to Jade as soon as she left my arms she started crying

“Why is she crying?” Jade asked as she rocked Emily but she still wouldn’t stop crying then Addison started to cry

“Here pass Emily over to me and take Addy” As soon as Emily was placed back in my arms she stopped crying and Addy stopped crying when Jade held her

“Emily is going to be like Ella she only settles well for you”  Jade said

“Yeah but I think she will settle for spike too because when we were having lunch he was helping me pick out names and when he said Emily she kicked me and always reacted to his voice but when anyone else talks to her she doesn’t react, Addy will be fine with anyone but Emily will only want me or spike I think”

“What about Conner?” jade asked

“I don’t know how the girls and Malachi will go with him; I don’t even know when he will be back”

“You feel something for spike don’t you? I saw how you looked at him and how he looked at you”

“Yes I do and I don’t know why I only meet him yesterday I’ve talked to him about it we both are fighting whatever we feel about each other he knows my story with Conner and he knows how much I love Conner , but I do want spike to be in my life and in my kids life as well, I love Conner but he’s not here and I don’t know how long I can wait for him considering my growing feeling for Spike”

Before Jade got to speak the nurse came back in

“It's time to fed your girls now” she said to me

It took nearly an hour to fed both the girls and now it was time to see my son

“Do you want to see your son now?” the nurse asked

“YES I’ve been waiting for ages”

It took 5 minutes to get to the N.I.C.U

“Lexi how are you, how are the girls” my mum asked me

“We are all fine”

“Do you want to hold your son?” the nurse asked me as I sat down on the chair next to the incubator and watch my son sleeping he is just like his dad

“Is he ok for me to hold?” I asked

“Yes but not for long he needs to get back into the incubator in about 30 minutes ok ” she said as she lifted the incubator top off and picked up my tiny son and past him over to me,

“Here you go be careful of all the tubes  and wires ok”

“Ok thanks”  I sat there alone with my son just holding him ,talking to him and just being there for him , everyone lefted me alone with him I’m not sure where they went but it was just me and my perfect son.

“My son I can’t believe your here I didn’t know about you, you’re a shy wee thing aren’t you huny is that why you were hiding behind your sister?” All of a sudden he opened his eyes and started to struggle against the breathing tube.