Call Me Kay [on hold]

Chapter five- Guilt

A gull week has passed since then, I have had too much going through my mind and I hate that 30% of it has been about that dream, that stupid fucking dream. Also how his hands gripped my arms when I bumped into him. I feel his grip still. Ben hasn’t been around much apart from at school, so my mind has more time to itself, to torment me with this torture.

The Bastard hasn’t helped much either, with his constant need for attention which I always seem to give him, even from afar. In those moments I also crave attention. His attention.

Trust me when I say I don’t feel that way with anybody else. Not even Ben who gives me so much attention I feel sick. I never wanted the attention before now. Well that’s a lie; I’ve always wanted his attention. Other guys too, if I’ve really liked them, but not as much as with this cocky assed prick.

I don’t think I’ve ever had to roll my eyes as much as I have during just one period. In RE, last period on Tuesday. He sits at the table beside me and until now I just like that I had him and Spencer to make it enjoyable but now? Now I just wanted to dismiss him, dismiss what he does, even if I end up straining my eyes in the process. It also didn’t help that we were watching videos that I gave the same reactions.

Yet there were moments in that class where I wished I could slap the thoughts out of my head. I wish it had been a dream at least so I could through it with the rest and think nothing of it.

As always when you are watching something in class, you tend to get comfortable and there are always the people who cross their arms over the desk and bury their head inside. Morgan was one of these people that hide their head and slightly doze off. I on the other hand just lay back in my chair. But I couldn’t help but he looked, he just looked so, cute and yes I will say it, beautiful. Now for me it is hard to get into the beautiful category but he’s managed it, somehow.

Fuck Kay you’re thinking it again. It may have been cute but you need to stop picturing it or so help me Cas I will tare you apart before you can even stop me.

Did I just threaten to kill myself? I threatened myself that I would kill me? There is something seriously wrong with that Kay. Then again there is something seriously wrong with me.

Anyway since we are talking about this Assbutt, let me tell you what happened the other day shall i? well I was watching TV, as you do on a Saturday afternoon, and I feel asleep- again pills are the fucking worst- I had another dream only this time, it was more than just a few thoughts or a kiss, this time it was dirty.

Paul was there when I woke up. I had never even seen the guy so of course I was startled when I saw him sitting, staring at me with wide eyes. He was clearly amused which meant I had fucking opened my mouth again. Soon after Jake came in and they both ended up confronting me about this shit. Ben had apparently been talking to Jake about Monday, thankfully Jake didn’t say anything but now him and Paul were seriously talking to me about this and I think it’s the only time Jake has been serious with me and I was a little intimidating having the two, sit across from me and ask me all these questions which I wasn’t comfortable answering.

This is bullshit. And it’s all because of Jake too; he made me talk about this. I don’t even know this Paul guy, none of us did. WELL FUCK YOU JAKE RENTS, fuck you!

“Kay you need to really think about this, how many of these dream have you had?” Well let me think Jake, there was the one you witness, the one Paul just witnessed, then there was the one that Ben was present for so,

“Three,” I answered bluntly, shifting in my seat so I was sitting up a little more.

“Don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, that there is more to this than those dreams and that’s why you keep having them?” of course I do Jake but I don’t want to, I didn’t like the thought of it being more than just these nightmares.

“of course I do, but I don’t believe it.” I can’t believe it, I add to myself.

“Well Kayton I am sorry but you need to accept that it might be more than this.” I know Jake. For fuck sake I know. That’s when I left, I just walked out. There wants anything else to say and I needed out of there. I needed some air and I needed to think.

Of course that’s not just the end of the story, there is more to that afternoon that was interesting. I was outside, getting air and since I live across from a bakery, I just had to go see what cakes they had today. And I am so glad I did because as well as getting the most amazing tasting cake I have ever bought from there, I met a girl. Her name is Tess and we get talking about just everything and anything while sitting on the bench just outside the bakery. In the end up I had her number and I have been texting her ever since, I don’t think that this will be then end to the story of me and the mystery girl named Tess.

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Soo, what do you think? Do you thnk Jake is just trying to help her because he care about her? Because he is Ben’s friend and Kay’s too? Do you like Jake? <P.S the picture in the side bar is Jake and yes as Ashton Kutcher but if you have other suggestions then go ahead.>

Do you think that Kay is getting into this too quickly? Thinking about it too much? Do you think that Jake is right about it being more than just the dreams? Or do you think the dreams are making her think that it is more and is pushing her to think that she really does like Morgan? Is she thinking about it more because of these dreams?

Okay if you are actually read this and you comment and vote then I thank you so much because I love you so much!

Dedication to my friend @scotishdirectioner because she's awesome and also she says she'll write a fanfic about me and Louis! :D Charlotte is awesome though! 

Please vote and comment and if you do then I will even dedicate a chapter to you!!

See I do love you!

I guess I’ll go then- see ya my lovely Downrawr’s! (don’t ask, just go with it!)

K!xxx