You Didn't Even Try

Youtube

YouTube, not much to some people.
But YouTube saves me.. Or broke me depending on your opinion.
I used to use YouTube to escape reality.
I didn't like how my mom made me feel worthless, YouTubers would make me feel better.
Also I didn't have extra money because I was basically raising myself and my sister, so gamers were my favorite by far. So this is all good so far...

All of a sudden something happened and I don't feel like myself anymore. Nothing was making me feel better. Actually it made me feel worse when I see everything so happy and I am not.
I was looking for why I felt like this and there was a video explaining depression. They explained it could happen to anyone and people with my background got it significantly more.
I went to the clinic and got checked, it turns out I do have depression and they didn't want to give me anything because I'm 17 and they said try being happy and then come back in a month.
When I got home I searched "How to deal with depression" not much showed but one popes out to me, it was titled "How to deal with depression, hurt yourself" the thumbnail was a bunch of different things some where pills, a noose, alcohol, a gun, and a few others I don't remember.
I froze, I never thought how easy it would be to kill myself or even someone else.
I may have clicked the video. It was fantastic a lot of things I already had but, I would never do something like that, at least not right now even though it sounds great....