In Love With A Gay.

Misunderstanding

MHIEL

"What happened?"

Lumapit ako sa mesa sa pinaka sulok ng dining area.

"Sit down."

Ngumiti ng bahagya si Rhizza, gesturing the chair beside her without answering my question.

I sat in front of her instead of the chair she suggested. I ran all the way from school to this cafeteria that we used to stay years back when she called me and said she needed my help.

"What's the problem?" I asked again.

"Do you want some choco? Iced?"

Nag angat ito ng kamay to call for a waiter but I stopped her.

"What is it?" I asked again, anxiously.

Rhizza inhaled deeply and changed her expression from okay to not-so-okay face when I didn't talk again. I remained poker.

"Fine." Rhizza said, giving up. "It's about Rhonel and me..."

For a moment, Rhizza didn't speak. She's just staring at me. Like waiting for me to react. What reaction does she expect to see from me? Even I don't know.

Days has past and I feel like a ghost. Hollow. Unconnected. I don't feel anything. Nothing physically. Like I eat but never crave. Tired but not resting. Sleep but not recharged. Watch but does not understand a single thing that happened.

The only time I feel good was when I'm with my brother. But these past few days, i dont feel like talking. I just watch him. Maybe I should speak to him again. Tell stories. But about what? Nothing's happening to me. No fights. No laughs.. Nothing.

"Since that night in Batangas,.."

My mind paused from swimming away when I heard Rhizza's voice.

"..~ we've never really settled... It's never the same... I guess it was never... the same... Mhiel..."

From the look of her gesture, she wanted to reach me. And without forming any thought in my head, she caught my hand that's resting on the table. I twitched.

"The first time I saw you again, that night,.. I- I tried to accept what my eyes are seeing. I do. But I never thought I could... that I would... I missed you, Mhiel. I missed you that-.."

"Stop."

When she called me, I thought it has something to do with my mom. For days now, she seems weak. She look sad and fragile. Kapag tinatanong ko naman, she would always say she's fine. And what's odd is she'll end up asking about Angel. So instead humahaba ang stay ko sa tabi nya, nagkakareason ako to excuse myself.

I know I said I'll tell her that Angel and I were over anytime soon but I don't know how. I know she can feel that something is going on between us. She use to discuss things with me about Angel and give me advises. But now... She's quiet about it. She just asks anything about her but not our relationship. Though i find it odd, I'm grateful that i don't have to force myself to admit our break up. It's just crazy, even on my part.

I don't feel anything concrete at the moment but i knew my eyebrows were crumpled from the time Rhizza spoke. Even in slow pace of her talk, I couldn't form anything in my head.

"This is why you called me?"

I didn't mean to sound mean but I think I did. I've never been mean to her. I sat properly so I could take my hand back. Feeling her touch like that. Seeing her look like that.

Wasn't that the moment I was waiting all this time?

Isn't this the reason why I don't want to be with anyone else?