Deny «h.s»

twenty six

Violet's POV

I laid in my bed as I listened to my alarm continue to go off. I closed my eyes again and prayed it would stop already. I'm not ready to see him.

The alarm wouldn't be quiet, so I angrily shut it off. I got up and began dressing myself in a stunning outfit simply to help hide my pain from Harry. I was absolutely dreading class and seeing him, but there was no way in hell I would give him the satisfaction of knowing how much I was hurting.

Part of me believed that I should try to talk to him and sort things out because my feelings weren't going away anytime soon. However, another part of me urged me to move on and make myself happy. The only problem was that the thing to make me happy was the thing I couldn't have.

I stared at myself in the mirror and smiled to myself once I realized I just might be able to hide my feelings. But if he took one look in my eyes, he'd know the truth. The vibrant glow that once filled my eyes was replaced with a deep, dark sea that I was drowning in.

No matter what, I had to stay strong. I figured I'll just have to do what I do best. Deny.

•••

"In your seats, everyone!" The professor howled. Students quickly filed into their seats, yet continued their conversations. I sat at my desk with my notebook in front of me and desperately tried to keep my attention on the professor.

I glanced over to where Harry would be seated, yet the seat was empty. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as to why he wasn't here. Did something happen to him? Is he avoiding me? I tapped my pencil on the desk and stared up at the professor in an attempt to ignore the missing Harry.

After about 10 minutes of listening to the professor drone on, the door to the classroom swung open and a tired looking Harry plopped down in the seat.

"Mr. Styles, is it?" The professor asked as Harry sat down.

"Yeah," Harry grunted.

"Well, Mr. Styles, could you please try to keep it down when you're late to my class?" A few people giggled around him, especially the girls. But he didn't notice any of them. He nodded silently and the professor went back to his lecture.

Harry kept his eyes down at his desk and began picking at his fingers. He looked so tired with dark circles under his eyes. His hair was disheveled, almost as if he hadn't moved from his bed for a while. But what was clear to everyone, was that he looked broken.

My heart ached when I saw him, and it seemed to hurt even more to see him like this. Was he like this because of me? He couldn't be, he seemed like he would be over me in an hour or so. The tapping of my pencil became louder and more frequent as I continued thinking. I didn't even notice I'd been staring at Harry the whole time until the professor yelled my name.

"Excuse me, Violet!" He called out. I whipped my head in his direction with wide eyes.

"Could you please stop tapping your pencil? And keep your eyes on me, not on Mr. Styles," The professor said with an almost purely judgmental stare. Curse him finally doing his job for once.

My face turned red and I glanced at Harry once more. He turned to look at me as well and we locked eyes for a brief moment. His eyes still looked tired, but they also appeared to be empty. Harry quickly turned away from me and I caught something that made my heart skip a beat.

Right after we exchanged glances, I saw him smile to himself. Even his small smiles were absolutely contagious and I had to bite my lip to try and hide my growing smile.

What are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be moving on? My brain scolded me. To tell the truth, I was confused. I don't know what the best approach is, but I know what I want.

The professor ended the lesson and finally freed us. I gathered all of my stuff and saw Harry was already heading out of the door. My mind was spinning with what I should do, and I ended up going with my heart: follow him.

I quickly walked after Harry and saw his whole demeanor was off. He was walking slower, with his eyes focused on the ground as if to block everyone out.

"Harry?" I called once I was close enough. He lifted his head and turned to me. I saw him draw in a sharp breath once our eyes met.

"Yes, Violet?"

"I-" I began, but I then realized that I had no plan. "Uh...I..." I continued to mumble. I heard a low chuckle come from Harry, which warmed my heart.

"Go on," He told me.

"I don't know what to say," I mumbled.

"Then let me say something. I didn't think you would hurt me, but here we are. I'm the one hurt and you look as if you're doing just fine. So why did you come up to me? Are you trying to hurt me more?" Harry asked.

"No, I'd never try to hurt you. I just had to tell you that I..." That I what? My mind screamed.

"That you?" He waited.

"I don't love you," I mumbled, rather unconvincingly.

All I have to do is deny. That's the way to go, isn't it? Deny your feelings and stay safe. After all, it's better to be alone. No one can hurt you.

"Well, Violet, I don't love you either," Harry said as he avoided eye contact with me. We both stood there for a moment, completely unsure of what to do. But I know one thing was clear. We both knew that we were lying.

•••
I finally got an update done phew. And yes, I did quote Hercules in here oops...
Love you xx C