In the Light

Chapter Fifty-Six: Job

Ruby looked down at her stomach. It had gotten a little bigger. She wore loose shirts, so you wouldn't be able to tell she was pregnant unless you knew. It was strange to see the scars on her expanding belly.

She wanted to hurt herself, but she couldn't. The pregnancy was making her mental health deteriorate, but at the same time, she was safer. She was protective of her child. She'd never cared before if she got hurt on the job. Now, she was terrified of it.

Sam walked in the bathroom and closed the door behind him. She dropped her shirt back over her stomach. "Hey," she said.

"You look beautiful," he said, pushing her curled hair behind her shoulders. She tilted her head back as he kissed her neck. "Are you nervous?"

"Not if you're there." Ruby found a job at a local restaurant. She'd play guitar, maybe sing a little. It was a way to make some money and occupy herself. Ruby and Kevin had been staying at the same hotel while the others hunted. It was like a home base or headquarters.

"I think you'll like the first song." She stood on her toes and bit Sam's ear. He picked her up, her legs wrapped around his waist. They kissed, so intensely. Her hands gripped the back of his shirt. He smelled like old books and cheap soap. His lips were so soft.

After a minute, Ruby pulled away. "I'm gonna be late." Sam put her down. She looked in the mirror and fixed her hair and shirt. "Are you ready?" Ruby raised an eyebrow.

Sam cleared his throat. "Yeah. You can go start the car. I'll bring your stuff out in a minute." Ruby laughed as she walked out the door.

• • •

The lights were dim. No one was really looking at her except Sam. She was singing their song. Well, one of their songs. She looked at Sam and it seemed like he was the only person in the room.

"And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills.
Well, the landslide will bring you down.
Well, well the landslide will bring you down."

As the song ended, her voice and the chords she played slowed and quieted. There was scattered clapping around the room. Sam clapped the loudest. He smiled widely at her.

She moved on to the next song, then the next, then the next until everyone had left. Sam stayed the whole time of course. Ruby put the guitar down in its case. She stretched. She reached above her head with her arms, twisting so that her back cracked. It felt good to move freely again.

"Hey," Sam said. He leaped deftly onto the stage. "I feel like I don't tell you how amazing you are enough. You're amazing. And beautiful. And talented. And sweet." Sam kissed her. "Do you want to go somewhere?"

"Yeah. To get food. I'm freaking starving." Her stomach growled as if to affirm what she said. "I don't know if it's the baby or a placebo effect, but I really want some peanut butter right now. Like, straight out of the jar peanut butter. And probably some other food too."

Sam laughed a little. "Okay. There's probably a grocery store nearby that's open. We can go there and pick up some stuff."

"That sounds good."

• • •

Over half and hour later, they were sitting on the hood of the Impala. There was a box of Pop Tarts and a jar of peanut butter between them.

"I feel like a teenager again," Ruby said through a mouthful of peanut butter. She swallowed. "You know, my dad had this cabinet, next to the microwave. It had his stuff in it, like snacks he would take for lunch and coffee. Things like that. There was always a jar of this in there. My mom didn't like it, so my dad and I shared it and Pop Tarts."

Ruby rested her hand on her stomach. She believed that her dad could see everything from Heaven, but still. He'd never really get to be a grandfather. He'd never hold her baby or take care of him or her. She hadn't even spoken to her mom in months. She couldn't involve her in any of this.

Suddenly she was aware that her thoughts were spiraling. Of she kept going, who knew what would happen. "Sam," she said abruptly. "Tell me about the good in the world again."

Sam began to list things. Puppies, air conditioning, TV, beds, indoor plumbing. She couldn't focus. "Sam, just stop. I'm sorry. This isn't helping. I don't want to ask this. God knows, I hate to ask this." She breathed, shakily. "Can Cas-?"

"I know. You don't have to say it."

"I honestly don't know what I'd do..." She trailed off, imagining.

"Hey, look at me." He was trying to snap her out of it. She looked at him, focusing on the color of his eyes. They had no specific color. They were hazel; a mix of so many different hues.

Her own eyes filled with hot tears and she nodded. "Let's go."