Dear Agony

Chapter 9: Life After You

It was just a few minutes after 5:30 am, and the sun had not yet risen above New York's skyline. Instead the sky was a gradient of purple, as the light approached this side of the globe. Despite it being in the middle of June, the morning air was crisp and cool. The atmosphere of it all was seemingly peaceful, that is if Steve Rogers wasn't retreating to the secluded rooftop of the Stark Tower to escape his own burdening thoughts.

The super-soldier's golden hair was a disheveled mess due to his restless lack of sleep over the past week. In this private moment, the stoic nature of Captain America was gone, but instead replaced by a very fragile and perturbed man. His usual broad shoulders were slumped loosely, and his confident brilliant blue eyes were dulled as he gazed downward. He hadn't felt this deprived, physically, since he had watched his best friend fall off a train and into a mountain ravine.

Looking out at the dark yet also illuminated cityscape below, he couldn't help but remember. He remembered the first time they had all come together to defend this very city more than six years ago. A lot had changed since then, but the city remained, rebuilt from the destruction. Stronger than before.

As Steve sat on a box like structure that he was pretty sure somehow stored an air condition unit, he looked down at the city. The morning breeze that made his messy blonde hair move gently, brought a sense of peace to the soldier, even if that serenity was minimal.

He couldn't stop thinking about the last twenty four hours. After returning back to the tower, just as he came in he saw Bruce at the door with his luggage, his brow covered with sweat. He explained to the Captain that he was going to have to find a hotel to stay at for the next couple days. Steve didn't get the exact details of what went down in the tower while he was gone, but Bruce said he was leaving for a matter of safety.

Steve later presumed this was due to Tony's actions. While Steve and Tony hadn't had a confrontation personally, he got the sense that Tony wasn't handling Clint's death well. He tried to give Tony some privacy, to cope and handle on his own. Steve told himself that this was what Tony needed. But, he would overhear Tony in his workplace, blasting rock music, and even over the music he would hear the occasional clang of metal parts, being thrown across the shop in an act of rage.

He also experienced times where he almost walked into what sounded like Tony and Pepper fighting, Pepper's voice was passive but stern, but Tony's was frenetic and frustrated. Steve wouldn't meddle in their relationship, but the empty bottles of various types of alcohol that Steve would occasionally find around the tower also worried him. But the most unnerving thing Steve noticed, was when he overheard what sounded like someone softly crying in Tony's workroom last night.

He decided he would try to talk to Tony sometime today, but the truth was Steve felt very helpless. He didn't know how to make Tony feel better, he didn't even know how to make himself feel better. That's why he came up here, on the isolated windy roof of the Tower, to try and clear his head.

From the time the sun was nowhere in sight, till it began to slowly rise above the horizon, Steve sat quietly in thought. Half the time his head lowered against clasped hands, in deep reflection over the events of the last week. He thought of another time he came up on this roof, following his release from the hospital after he fell off a helicarrier and was pulled out of the Potomac River.

His face was still bruised from the fight between him and his best friend. However that morning, his mind was clouded with the conflict on whether to pursue his friend, or not. Of course he knew he had to, but he also realized that the rest of his team may not agree. That he could lose the family he shared this tower with, if he went after Barnes.

It wasn't shortly after Steve came up, that Clint Barton also found himself on that roof. Clint had come up here more often than even Steve, because the archer had found much peace in the elevated isolated setting. In the months that followed his slow recovery from Loki's control, Clint had spent hours up here, and sometimes Natasha accompanied him as well. Steve could remember the days when they were still just dating, that they would spend their nights up here after long missions.