Dear Agony

Chapter 5: The Light Behind Your Eyes

The door to her room opened swiftly, but Natasha didn't bother looking to see who it was, figuring it was just doctors. Steve slowly walked towards her bed, eyes lowered yet his demeanor calm. Natasha had woken up yesterday, but no one except doctors were allowed to go in and see her, until now. All the Avengers had agreed that Steve should be the first to talk to her, and break the news to her.

Biting the inside of his lip, he pulled up a chair beside her. By now, Natasha had turned to realize who the visitor was. She looked towards Steve, emerald eyes bloodshot and reflecting someone both physically and emotionally distraught. She may have been improving physically, but her face was still gaunt and pale. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her face and arms covered with scars, bruises, and stitched cuts.

For a moment she just looked at him, her hauntingly frightened eyes looking into his compassionate blue ones. Steve had never seen her look so vulnerable and afraid, and for a minute he began to worry the fearless and spirited assassin would never be herself again. It wasn't easy to see her like that, and while part of Steve wished he didn't have to be here, he never considered leaving. He needed to be there for her, and nothing would prevent him from doing this.

Her eyes closed as she winced in pain as she tried to push herself into an upright position. Steve leaned forward, placing an arm on her back and shoulder, as he softly helped her sit up. Steve felt her chest lower around his arm as she exhaled, in relief of his help. Typical Natasha, avoiding asking for help she genuinely needed.

Once sitting up, she turned to Steve and managed to say,

"Hey Steve."

Her voice was hoarse and cracked as she first spoke, yet held a very distant and melancholy tone.

Steve smiled sadly, glad to see her talking, as he replied,

"Hey Natasha, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she replied quickly, her voice border on a very cold tone.
Steve nodded quickly, his jaw tightened as he was worried from now on she was just going to shut him, and anyone else out. Natasha however, noticed how hesitant he was to talk to her. Exhaling slowly, she leaned back against the bed as she looked towards him, saying,

"I mean, I'm alright Steve. No need for you, or anyone else, to worry."

Steve nodded again, this time replying softly as he said,

"Well, that's good to hear. Doctors say you'll be out of here in maybe two days. You're going to be out of the field for a while, you've got several broken ribs, and a broken leg. But, if you're willing to wear a brace, and use a crutch for the next couple days, you should be able to go home."

"I think I can manage that." She said quickly.

Steve noticed her quick tone, and concluded that she didn't want to talk. But, he knew he had to tell her, the longer he waited the harder it would be for both of them.

"We were all very worried for you, Natasha. A lot has happened over the last couple days, what was the last thing you remember, from the mission?" Steve asked carefully.

She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head, her facial expressions very restrained, almost as if in pain. Steve wasn't sure how to do it, how to tell her that Clint was dead. She appeared almost traumatized, as her mouth opened as if she wanted to form words, but nothing came out. He knew there was no easy way to put it, but he didn't want to hurt her anymore. He didn't want to be the one to have to tell her.

Finally, after a moment of silence between the two, Steve looked towards her again. His eyes warm and compassionate eyes locking with hers, as he exhaled and spoke quietly, and as calmly as he could,