The Book of Obscure One-Shots

Going Green

Teague put down his phone, satisfied after texting Natalie for two hours nonstop. She was a perfect girlfriend, but Teague couldn't help seeing someone else, or rather, something else: his secret vape pen. Yes, he was underage. Yes, he knew it probably wasn't safe. And, yes, he was cheating on Natalie.

But if Teague learned one thing from health class, it was that you should "do drugs you don't know." He figured vaping was a good way to start before transitioning to actual drugs, like LSD (which, as the health teacher put it, was "trippy," and Teague liked "trippy").

A smile of great pleasure and elation crept onto Teague's face as he grabbed his vape pen. He unscrewed the tank from the rest of the pen, taking extra time to rub the cold metal and slowly enjoy the chill it brought upon his fingers. Then, he gingerly filled the tank with his favorite e-liquid flavor: Hammerhead Whale. (He really loved the taste of shutting up Ella with just two simple words.) After reattatching the tank to the rest of the pen, Teague walked over to his bed and sat down, pen in hand and phone opened to the Vape Nation video.

Now was the fun part. It was even more fun than all the fun times he had with Natalie. He hit the "play" button on the video. As the video's host flashed the iconic \//\ sign on his hands, Teague turned on his pen. (He had gotten very good at the skill of "turning on" after dating Natalie for a while.)

Finally, the pen was heated and ready to go. He inserted it into his mouth and inhaled deeply, appreciating how much better Hammerhead Whale tasted than Natalie's scent. As Teague removed the pen to exhale a cloud of vapor, he examined his pen and, for just a moment, envied its length. Why did God give me such a miserable stick when artificial ones are so much longer? he wondered for probably the hundreth time as he stuck it back in his mouth. Part of him was very tempted to shove it deeper and deeper in until it burned the entirety of his throat and maybe even his soul. Luckily, he resisted this thought, remembering that he had a girlfriend to live for.

Once Teague's little fun vape time was over, he put everything back into its usual hiding places so that the next time Natalie came to visit, she would never suspect a thing. Teague smiled at this thought.

No one ever has to know, Teague reassured himself with much satisfaction. Not even Natalie.

Tape: Teague Murtha Urban x vape