The Book of Obscure One-Shots

Simply Despicable

If one were to visit Max Gunn's house, the one thing he would notice about the residence is the fact that the entire house was neat and orderly with the exception of Max's room. While every other room and hall was tidy, the walls of Max's room were covered in overlapping pictures of Emma Heliger, the love of his life.

However, there was one tiny corner of the room that touching the ceiling that was free of any pictures. This was the residence of a fat, white, wide-eyed unicorn plushie with hot pink hooves who hung from the ceiling by its neck, almost like a hanged prisoner the authorities had long forgotten to remove. But this unicorn was far from death row status. In fact, it was Max's best friend, even closer to him than Emma. The two were so close that the unicorn even bestowed upon Max the honor of naming it: George.

Emma knew about George, but what she didn't know was how intimate their relationship was. Every time she went over to Max's house and entered his room, she'd point it out, and Max had to summon every ounce of good, Mormon self-control in him to not scream, "IT'S SO FLUFFY I COULD DIE!" Actually, part of him longed to refer to it as "he," but that was frowned upon by his Mormon side.

Whenever Max got bored, he liked to take it down from its hanging position and curl up with it on his bed. There, with Max's muscular arms wrapped around the delicate George, they would have a deep conversation, one that involved George not saying a word. Max came to understand the meaning behind George's world-less communication and could always decipher what the unicorn wanted to express.

Max: Hello, my beautiful babe.
George: ...
Max: You're so fluffy I could die.
George: ...
Max: Yeah, I think I love you too.
George: ...
Max: Oh, that's right. Then I'll marry you and Emma. You're both beautiful.
George: ...
Max: Wait, what?

Following his friend's words (well, technically George never said any words), Max slowly rolled over to see who was standing at his door.

It was Emma. And not his sister Emma, but his one and only, love of his life, absolutely flawless Pleblord/girlfriend Emma.

"Shhhhiii--frick," whispered Max, barely stopping himself from cursing.

Gax: George x Max Gunn