Bomb // Sirius Black

Not Enough

She was tired. 

Weak. 

Vulnerable. 

Try as she might, 

she could not ignore 

the idea that pressed into her mind. 

It attacked 

from every side, 

every corner, 

every crevice. 

This idea,

that she wasn't good enough, 

wasn't pretty enough, 

wasn't smart enough, 

wasn't clever enough-

not enough. 

She was not

enough. 

This idea consumed her every being. 

controlled every action. 

Why she sat in front of an empty plate

at every meal? 

You aren't skinny enough. 

Why she stayed up until 4AM

writing and rewriting and rewriting

essays that were brilliantly done in the first draft? 

You aren't smart enough. 

Why she stopped 

playing harmless pranks

on her dorm mates? 

Why do you try, 

you aren't clever enough, 

you aren't funny enough. 

She was never enough. 

Maybe that was why

she started to see

the bathroom 

as her safe place. 

She huddled in there

while she should have been in class

broken. 

This idea drove her insane,

mad, crazy.

By the time she picked up

the silver blade

she was too far gone to see 

that she was about to make an irreversible mistake.

or maybe she was just too far gone to care. 

The scars littered her once clean arms

and she started to wear long sleeves

so people wouldn't see

and say

"She's not sane enough, 

not bright enough, 

we don't care enough

because she's not good enough."

She was imploding. 

And she sped up the process. 

Because she wasn't good enough. 

And everyone watched her

and her friends cried for her

and her teachers excused her

and even her enemies pitied her

because Jessie Montgomery 

was good enough. 

She just couldn't see

through the clouds 

that were produced by the voices in her head. 

A/N TRIGGERWARNING over. Sorry. Hope you felt something. Maybe. More coming soon.