A Dreamer's Failures (What I Can't Have)

7. Envy

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I roamed through the hallway thinking about Jason, why would he say Nathan is a lucky guy, why would he talk to me?

Now I understand.

Taylor did this, obviously. She wants me to talk to other people, but she never told me why. So he didn't talk to me because he wanted to, he did it to gratify Taylor, to make her happy. He probably just likes Taylor.

Why do all guys always like Taylor? Why is she so perfect?

I mean, she is beautiful, smart, social and she has just a perfect inner self. It's so unfair that I can't have that, she doesn't have to worry about anything, it all comes to her. She has many friends, a good quantity of money and last but not least, she is flawless.

I know I'm repeating the same stuff, but it's just so true.

I don't understand how is that from such perfect parents I came up like this. Both my mom and my dad were popular in their school, like if you see my dad's contact list, he has more than 2000 names in there. Everywhere we go coincidently he founds someone he knows and they talk for at least 20 minutes to catch up with each other.

My mom is really good at conversations, you could talk to her for 3 hours and never become tedious. She makes friends easily and always tells me to be friendly and talk to everybody, it's easy for her personable self to say.

I'm not good talking to people, and I don't like socializing anyways. I struggle making friends and I never take the risk to go and talk to new people, I never exit my comfort zone. I try to avoid people most of the time and my contact list literally just has 6 names in it, my mom, dad, sister, Olivia, Taylor and Nathan.

I surely know more people than that, like my aunts, uncles and cousins, just that I'm to shy to ask for their numbers. Now you know what I mean, how the heck did I came out like this?

Even Abigail is the most popular girl in her grade, I have heard that 4 or 5 of her classmates like her and pretend to ask her out.

I wish I could rewind my first day in kindergarten and make many friends, that would have changed everything. What really happened is that my dad had to make a friend for me, and I limited myself to that friend, then Margot came to me. After she passed away, Olivia and Taylor adopted me, and since then everything is the same.

Taylor left our little group twice a day to go play soccer with the guys or to hang out with "The Princesses" (A group of friends that were all blonde and brought makeup and nail polish to the school and fixed themselves in breaks, they called themselves like that and thought they were the best in kindergarten.). I still remember who they were: Tiffany, Ashley, Melanie and Emily. They are still in my grade, the only difference is that they don't call themselves like that anymore and Melanie focused more on her grades and they kicked her out. They got an immediate replacement, Stephanie.

Olivia was always the loyal one, she stayed with me and we talked about life, but since that moment I already knew that Olivia and Taylor trusted each other more than they trusted me. Olivia gossiped me about Taylor having her first kiss on the playground with Alex. I was hurt because she told Olivia but not me.

When I realized that, I felt like the third wheel and that they didn't like me, so I completely ignored them. They begged for me to tell them the reason, but I didn't wanted to because they wouldn't understand.

I passed the next three months alone, and I don't remember what happened next, but we reunited. We never talk or mention what happened, I think they already forgot or they simply don't want to cause any problems with me by bringing it up.

I still feel like the third wheel anyways, but they're my only friends so I can't get mad at them again, no matter what they do, I'll stick on them.

February 26th 2026 (At break)

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Hi readers, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you have any suggestions please tell me and I'll keep them in mind. Also, if you find any grammar mistakes you can tell me too. I don't know if you know but English is not my first language and I try really hard for the chapters to come out well.

Thanks for reading my book I really appreciate it.

By me :)