After The Storm

The music filled the apartment, it had grabbed her from the first from the first few soft notes, the lyrics spoke. The singers soft voice brought goosebumps to her arms, it was as if he was singing to her.

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

What a storm it had been, she still had fears that the storm clouds would never lift, for someone who diligently planned every aspect of her life...she had certainly turned it all to shit in one fell swoop.

For the first time in her life she acted on impulse, she jumped into a relationship...no that wasn't the right word for what she had found herself in with Sean. It was more akin to finding comfort in a familiar place, Adam had already suspected something between the two of them. He had given Sean his 'permission' to date her, as if she needed it.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

Adam's words had ignited a firestorm within her, she was furious with him. Who the fuck did he think he was, she didn't need his approval to move on. Looking back on it now, her brief fling with Sean was just a reactionary move.

He couldn't be bothered to fight for her, but the second he thought she was moving on he decided to act petulantly. He'd embarrassed her in front of the entire district with his little outburst.

It wasn't long after that altercation when everything fell around her, she'd fallen into bed with Sean after an intense case and a few drinks at Molly's, Natalie Manning might as well have pushed the couple into bed. She talked about loving those around you, for you never knew when they could be ripped from your arms and your heart. She'd lost her husband to war...of course she'd feel that way.

Her words only added to Kim's confusion, the alcohol didn't help either.

From that moment on it felt as if she was stuck on a runaway train and the only thing that stopped the train? Sean's words.

"I love you...probably."

The words stung as he said them to her, he asked her to move to San Diego with her, and then kissed her and was out the door.

Leaving her alone in the middle of Molly's, completely dumbfounded and lost.

It had been two months since their awkward goodbye at the district, he had cleaned out his locker and by sheer luck she'd run into him in the hallway.

She agonized over how she would tell him, she loved him that she knew for sure. It wasn't the kind of love though that he wanted, she was ashamed to admit but she had used him to some extent. Though, it was obvious Sean had played his own games, in hindsight it was clear as day.

They were destined for failure from day one.

He beat her to the punch, he told her to stay.

Relief washed over her, again they shared another awkward and very chaste kiss.

She watched him as he left and he never once looked back in her direction, she had never been so confused in her life.

Somewhere along the way she'd lost herself, when exactly it happened she wasn't sure but she knew her painful descent into an emotional abyss started the night she ended things with Adam.

Her heart quivered at the thought of him, she was certain that he would rip her to shreds after he learned about her relationship with Sean in court. She actually feared for Sean's safety, but she was wrong.