Good Morning Poetry

Alone

being alone

can mean a lot of different things

sometimes it can describe

someone who is

striving for company

but find themselves without it

or it can describe

someone who is

perfectly

okay

with being

by themselves.

what about me?

I shift in between

the dictionary definitions

the fine print

the black ink

the numbers and dots

that explain different meanings.

but no matter how it is

or how it affects me

Loneliness

dominates

my life.

it wraps its arms around me from behind

clutches my hands in its own

whispers in my ear

“there is no one here

but you.”

its cold breath tickles my ears

but I relax under its embrace

because I think

it's starting to get familiar.

Because it follows me.

it follows me to parties

or to events

to school

to places packed with a thousand faces

thousands of strangers

or thousands of loved ones.

It doesn’t matter.

after a while I think

maybe it's just become

a part of me.

like some tumor

sucking life

off my side.

when my phone buzzes

it picks it up

and puts it down

without ever answering.

it creeps through my texts

my skype instant messages

my face to face conversations

I smile and talk but

am I really there?

Sorry, I can’t answer the phone right now.

Loneliness eats me up

chews me

spits me out like gum

spits me out expecting to talk and laugh

and feel like I’m actually there

when I’m with friends

expects me to feel like I’m worth something

or my friends actually need me

or want me

because honestly sometimes?

I don’t think they do.

because the only permanent companion

I’ve ever had

is this damn ache in my side

a pain in the neck

a kick on the shin

a stab in the soul

Loneliness.