Shut Up and Listen

What's In A Name

My name has been defined a thousand times,

But began with the word "beautiful".

When I was five,

My dad gave me the nickname Monkey-

A name that gave me a security every little girl dreamed of.

He was an extraordinary person who

Held existence in my dreams.

He was there from the time I danced my way through childhood

To when I grand-slammed into teen-hood.

In between these memories, I hit my boiling point.

Gradually, my name changed definitions.

At one point of my life, I was drowning in my own suffering,

Choking on my existence. Everyone's words turned into vapor

Before being audible to my ears.

The definitions went from- "sweet little her" to,

"Poor her...what happened?"

She is a name I'd like to forget because of the things she did

And mistakes she made.

Fortunately though, my name has given me two identities:

Her: the rebellious writer, and Me:

The sweet girl willing to help any stranger I see.

My name reached maturity when "daddy" became "dad"

And "mommy" became "mom".

I re-invented myself,

Becoming a star running on a blazing fire of independence and rebellion.

But even with this an amazing freedom,

Deep down I miss being "Monkey".

I miss being seen as a little girl who was allowed to dream freely,

Rather than a reckless dreamer who should limit herself because of society's laws on living.

I realized I still wasn't ready to grow up.

A child still lived within me wanting to set her imagination free.

So I set her free through fiction, pulling me away from this justified reality.

I poured my heart out onto paper and drove myself to inspire.

While others try to survive, I'll be living- I'll show others how to live,

How to inspire, and how to be their imperfect selves in this messed up society.

My name will be what I had intended it to be from the beginning: to inspire beautifully.