Rollercoaster

Chapter 1

The start of a rollercoaster always gives us adrenaline. We anticipate the 'what if' situation, the 'what if I get stuck on the ride?' or 'what if I die?'

Then you turn around to whomever is next to you telling them "If I don't make it out, tell my parents I love them." Saying it as a joke at first but in all seriousness we mean it. Just holding onto that single thread of the chair holding you strapped in. Why do we say it? Is it because we are scared of leaving the world without letting loved ones know that we love them one last time or are we really fearing death?

But then thinking about all that , the ride starts, your heart is hammering ten times the rate it usually does, almost as if the one organ that keeps you alive is going to come out your chest and fall into your lap! You start sweating ferociously, double checking the seatbelt to check it's on properly, why?

Ask yourself, why do you check the seatbelt twice? Is it for reassurance? To know you will be okay at the end of the ride safe and sound.

Or because the seatbelt is practically holding you back on the ride and saving your life?

You then grab onto the handles for extra safeguarding or maybe even grab the persons hand next to you to provide more support, that your with them together. You're getting tossed and turned side to side, the air as cool as ice running across your cheeks like ice skaters, the scenery passing by like day and night in an instant. Then your pulled back, everything is propelled back, too far and you can feel your double chins.

You're going up, the whole cart is going up, you can't stop it, it just takes you higher than you've ever been. No obstacles in the way just you, the adrenaline, the wind against your face, the anxiously waiting people on the cart with you, all going through their own different issues.

You are at the top and the height of it all for a few seconds. You don't want to look down. Not now after going through majority of the whole ride! You will be sick after all you have come far and you can't get off. You're transfixed. So you give yourself time to breath in. 1... 2.... 3...., and out, 1.... 2.... 3.....

Everything halts, you open your eyes and look around, as soon as you see the mind blowing scenery and blink you're going back down to where it all started, you start to scream as you feel the euphoria running out your system. You are bursting with energy now, you've overcome negative thoughts. You've had the experience and now you can't wait to get off and see the outcome of the ride and look at the picture of you then in that moment.

As the ride comes to an end, you don't realise but the person next to you witnesses your blissful smile and the ride comes to a finish the end of one experience having the picture for the rest of your life never changing just stuck in that moment.....

Just like a roller coaster, there's a beginning, a height increase, a little bit of a drag to make you anticipate what's to come next and the downfall from the highest point to the end of the ride. For me the beginning was the worst to face, from learning out I had breast Cancer to trying to tell my kids and loved ones I have Cancer. The height increase was the chemotherapy to treat me and the disease in me , the little drag up that ride was the emotions I felt when I was going in and out of hospital, the hair loss and the times I missed my loved ones, mostly my son and daughter  as I hadn't seen them in what seemed like forever. 

This rollercoaster ride gave everyone all emotions and just like a real rollercoaster everyone had a different experience from those fearful, to those who cried, to the ones who tried to see positively to the ones who didn't know how to take it and lastly the ones who felt sick to their stomach.

As a whole we all went through all of them at least once, but you can never go through the experience without someone getting on the same ride. For me this rollercoaster is one of the biggest ones I have ridden and one of the worst and most complicated one at that. It brang out the real people around me and the fake ones. Another thing I realised on this ride is how much love I carry for people who I do not need anymore, people who were once close but now strangers. So for those who may be going through the same rollercoaster as me or slightly different just know the biggest impact it will have is your whole life as an individual. But do not be afraid you are never alone on this rollercoaster, you have God, you have your loved ones and although some do not care you are the stronger person and if you ever feel alone talk to your nurses and doctors talk to patients around you because to overthink is not the best thing to do, you need to overcome the emotions of feeling lonely. 

I learnt the hard way I kept questioning and once you question one thought another goes and it carries on like a cycle. However, my husband beside me kept me sane, my children on my mind, my parents support, the small things that you need by your side and on your mind are the ones that count no matter what don't give up so easily. You are not alone, you have a lot more to accomplish in this world no matter what age or gender. This rollercoaster is just a test. And for those who may have got beaten down by the ride are all in my prayers every night.