Dearest~a Ryden

Something

I awake to the sound of Brendon singing a Beatles song, and the running water from his shower. 

I notice how beautiful Bren's voice is. He has a speaker that you can clearly hear. He's harmonizing with Paul, singing Nowehere Man. I smile. 

I sit up on his bed and sing along quietly. I've always loved that song. 

~~~~

Out of the shower

~~~~

Brendon walks into the room wearing a Beatles shirt and jeans. He's such a Beatles fucker. But-I mean- so am I. 

"You can borrow more of my clothes if you want to. So you can shower if you want," Brendon says. 

I nod and he opens his closet and grabs a belt and another pair of jeans and a Blink shirt. I smile-again. He knows my style. 

"Also, there's a new toothbrush in there if you want to use that to brush," Brendon adds. I flash him the "OK" sign with my fingers and start my way down the hall, but this time, Brendon isn't here to guide me. 

I eventually find my way down to his bathroom. The mirror is still a little foggy from Brendon's shower. 

I undress myself, avoiding the fogged up mirror and turn on the water, luckily enough, he has the same kind of faucet that we have at my house. 

I step in and bathe, humming a song I'm writing. 

When I step out of the shower, I grab one of the red towels hanging on the rack. I slip into my clothes and then brush my teeth so the morning breath smell is out of my mouth. 

When I walk back to Brendon's room he's laying on his bed singing along to another song by The Beatles, Penny Lane. 

"Heyyo Ryan!" He's always so positive. "Aren't you glad that today is Saturday? Because I am." He pulls me into a hug and kisses me. I kiss back. 

The kiss is innocent, not anything sexual. It's not filled with lust or desire. It's just a kiss. He pulls away and grabs my hands.

"Let's dance!" Brendon says cheerily. And as if on queue, Something starts playing. 

Brendon starts singing and is changing the lyrics to 'he' pronouns. We dance together, Brendon singing the lyrics to me. 

Something in the way he moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way he woos me
I don't want to leave him now
You know I believe and how

As the song speeds up we speed up our dancing. He twirls me around and my stomach does a flip. 

During the guitar solo he smiles and looks at me with care. And he kisses me.

Then, as the song ends, another starts. And we dance for another hour. Just enjoying the company of each other. 

Later we go for a walk, holding hands and talking about the randomest shit. 

"So, how-a-bout the weather?" I ask playfully and jokingly, and curious to how he'll respond to the generic question.

"I think it's quite lovely. The autumn breeze is beautifully nice." Brendon says. "The leaves falling off the trees as the wind blows them off. It's so pretty. Like you." He"boops" my nose and I blush and of course he points it out.

"Why do you always do that? Point out that I blush?" he shrugs.

"I don't really know, you're just too cute," he says.

As we're walking back to his house, he suggests that we watch a movie. Or multiple. 

"What movies ya got?" I ask.

"Only millions! All the Star Wars movies, a shit ton of classics, Ghost! Oo let's watch Ghost! Have you seen it before?" I shake my head no. He's talking a thousand miles an hour. "The main male character is Patrick Swayze, or Sam, and he's so pretty! Not as pretty as you of course but you get the idea," He smiles so big and bright. 

We link arms and decide to be extra gay and skip the rest of the way back to his house.

We kick off our shoes at the door and Brendon goes to make popcorn for us and I go grab Ghost. I pop it in and Bren returns to the couch with a big ass bowl of popcorn. 

"Here hold this," he says giving me the bowl. He gets up and grabs a blanket and drapes it over me. He snuggles up to me after he also gets under the blanket. It's then that I realize that I'm actually eating. I was doing it without even knowing it and Brendon looks surprised and happy at the same time. 

The movie comes on and he points out Patrick/Sam and damn he was right. He is one beautiful man. Not as beautiful as Brendon though. 

I look at Brendon instead of the movie for most of it though. He looks so concentrated and emotional. When Sam dies Brendon puts down the bowl of popcorn and yelps. He looks at me and smiles sadly and then leans over and kisses me.

"Hey Ry. Have I ever told you how gorgeous you were? How your nose is just the cutest thing in existence and how your face just-works? Because if I haven't yet, I am sorry. You're the cutest thing alive." He kisses me again and it's passionate. 

I don't know what this feeling is. I'm all tingly and there's butterflies in my stomach. This is wild. I've spent all day with someone who cares. 

"This is the happiest I've ever been. In my life," I look at the movie. "This, I mean-well,- what are we?" I feel like I sound desperate, but hoping I don't. 

"Well, Ryan, what do you want us to be?"

"Hmm. More than friends, but not to the 'let's fuck' thing, y'know? I just want to cuddle you and dance, and kiss you." I look back at Brendon. His hair is a mess and the Beatles shirt he was wearing is now on the floor. 

He mumbles something under his breath and looks at me lovingly. 

"What was that? What did you just say?"

"I said "'Asexual, perhaps'". Do you know what that means?" I must have looked confused because he starts explaining. "Asexual is not having sexual attraction. I mean, some like sex and some don't. It usually goes along with something else. Like, for example, asexual homoromantic or biromantic." I nod. "Have you ever just looked at someone and thought "I'd fuck the dick off them-or something?"

"No. Ew, why would even think that? Sex is literally disgusting," I sigh, but then realize that I'm probably asexual, considering the things he just described. "Shit, I think I'm that then."

Brendon smiles. "Good. Because I'm demisexual, but bi. So this'll work. I mean, it would work either way, but still."

Brendon continues on about asexuality and the asexual spectrum. But his rambling don't get to me. I find it absolutely adorable. Every minute I spend with him is valuable. I'm fragile, I could break at any moment. But not if he's with me. I feel human with him. Like life is worth it. I forget that my father beats me, that my body is covered with nasty scars and bruises. 

With Brendon I feel free. 

I shed a single tear, wiping them with the blanket. Brendon looks at me so concerned.

"A-are you okay?" he asks slowly.

"Y-yeah. Oh my god. I'm fine. Brendon. I'm so-happy. You make me feel like a Disney princess. You make me feel free. I wanna fall so in love with you. And no one else could ever mean half as much to me as you do now.  But love is terrifying. It almost never lasts. It didn't with my parents, I ju-" Brendon cuts me off with a peck to the lips. 

"Shh, shh. Ryan. Look at me in the eyes," I do as I'm told and look at him the the tears steaming down my face. "I love you."

"Ditto."