No Forever | Z.M (AU)

Chapter 1: College

Chapter 1

Cigarettes....

I love to smoke cigarettes.

It's everything I need in my life.

Plus alcohol and music.

They say 'Smoke Takes The Pain Away.'

And I couldn't agree more.

So, that's what I do, I smoke and forget the world. I forget the bullshit outside. I create my own world. My life isn't that perfect, or neither am I. I'm never perfect and I will never be. Cause nobody's perfect. A thousand time we die in one life. We crumble, break and tear apart until the layers of illusion are burned away and all that is left, is the truth of who and what we really are.

And I'm still trying to figure out who am I.

My brother, Harry, knows that I smoke and the alcohol drinking thing, he is actually okay with it and I love him for that. But I also hate him for letting me do these stuff, he's supposed to try to let me stop doing stuff I shouldn't be doing because it's bad. I want him to make realize that things do have a meaning, but I guess you don't always get what you want. Harry is sometimes overreacting and overprotecting but I still love him, though. He can be cruel and hateful but I know theres always a good part inside of him.

I started to my smoke and drink when I was 15-even though I was underage, I would still drink behind my parents back-it's when my mother left us behind; me, my older brother and my father. And now I'm 18 almost 19. She left when I needed her the most, she left when I was alone, she left when I was heartbroken, she left when her only daughter had no one to talk to expect her. She also felt when her daughter was 16 and this age is when most girls are depressed, exhausted, heartbroken, confused and lost. I felt so lonely that even my brother and my father aren't enough company. My mom was the only person who I trusted, beside my best friend Niall, who's proudly gay.

Me and Niall would never judge each other, no matter what. And I really don't care if he's gay or straight or even bisexual. We respect each other and that's what I love about him. Niall is the only supportive person I know, he is always there for me and he always cheers me up when I'm sad.

I've known Niall since I was 14 years old, he went to my school. Niall moved from Ireland to here-New York, he wanted to restart his life, that's what he said, even though he's too young to say that, for god's sake he's 14.

In the first day of school, everyone made fun of Niall because he was Irish and they used to make leprechaun jokes about him and he hated them. Once a guy named, Jake, made fun of Niall, Niall bet the shit out of him and I tried to stop them both. But Niall was so strong, that he pushed me and I fell on the floor on my butt, Niall suddenly stopped and looked at him and I know he felt terrible for pushing me on ground, he gasped and stuttered, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." he handed me his hand to pull me up, I stood up and gave him a small smile and he said, "Be right back." he quickly ran to Jake and hit him right across in the face, Jake ended the fight by apologizing to Niall. After the fight Niall came to me and introduced himself. "I'm Niall." he gave out his hand for me to shake it and I took it, smiling. "Isy." Then his nose started bleeding.

"Come with me," I grabbed his arm and went to the ladies bathroom, I don't care if there is a guy in the toilet. All the girls exited the the bathroom, when I dragged Niall in with me.

"Wash your face," he just nods and switch the water on. Water flashes into his face and he kinda looks hot. Stop it, I say to myself. I take some tissues and try to stop the blood flowing from his nose but it won't stop. I dig the tissue inside his nose and he let out a little scream. "Ouch,"