It Was Only A Kiss

Chapter 2: How Did It End Up Like This?

Chapter 2:

Cleopatra

7:43AM

Fuck my life, Fuck my life, Fuck my life I chanted as I crossed the bridge on my way to school. As I trudged through slushy icy puddles my stomach started talking to me. Shit… I can’t even remember the last time I ate a proper meal. I guess I’m never hungry anymore but I can feel my muscles and bones grow weak as I carried on walking to school. I pulled my thick black coat over my body tighter even though I knew that wouldn’t help me. I’m a bag of bones nower days. I can see my ribs and my period has stopped. I'm being so fucking stupid though! I need to get over him, but I can’t. I’m starving myself again, maybe if I get skinnier I’ll be more like her, I mean I have a little meat on me, so, like if I lost it maybe he would come back? But I know, that’s crazy talk. I walked straight for another ten minutes engulfed in my own thoughts, but just after I passed the Cross Keys pub I was interrupted by my phone buzzing. It was probably Shona or Chloe asking where the hell I was. I grabbed my phone out of my coat pocket but it didn’t read ‘Shona Shoe’ or ‘Chloe Bear’ it read ‘Blake My Boo Boo’. I stopped dead in my tracks in front of a bus shelter and just stared at my phone.

Three months.

 One week.

and Three days.

It’s been three months, one week and three days since he spoken to me. But now he decides to speak to me? I feel like just turning off my phone, but curiosity has gotten the better of me. I waited for what felt like an eternity until I had the courage to open the message. The second I opened it I wish I hadn’t. I spent all that time pondering on what it said for it read ‘Fuck u bitch! He don’t want ur dumb whiney ugly ass!!! depressed hoe!!!!!’. I stared blankly at my phone until the screen got blurry because of the tears in my eyes. I slowly put my phone back in my coat pocket, readjusted my bag and continued walking with my head down. I let the tears freely fall away from my face. The lump in my throat made it hard for me to breathe. As I gulped for air the pain in my chest throbbed as I breathed in and out. I know I’m a bitch. I know I’m stupid, whiney and ugly. And I am depressed. I do need help but no one has even realised that my whole world is burning in front of my very eyes. My mother doesn’t care about me. She’s too focused on Halle and my other siblings to notice that I don’t eat and stay in my room all day. As long as my grades are still up and she doesn’t get a phone call from my school about something bad then as far as she’s concerned, I’m happy. I just don’t understand why he’d do this to me. Why doesn’t he love me anymore? It hurts so much, I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how many more blows I am away from falling down.

8:33 AM

After a treacherous fifty minute walk (that if I am honest could have taken my thirty) I arrived at school and the courtyard was empty to my relief. I don’t know why but it feels like every fucker and their mother is talking about my business. Or maybe that’s just me being the paranoid psycho I am. As my name is taken down by Mr. Hutton for being late he mumbles some bullshit about attending a detention for being late and if I don’t attend that I get a longer one blah… blah… blah. His dumb fat self must be tripping if he thinks I’m going to detention. When I walk through the green gates towards G block where my form room is I feel a pair of eyes on my back. I turn around to see Melissa, someone who used to be my best friend. She looked at me deeply in the eyes and said ‘Are you ok?’. I forced a smile and nodded slightly before carrying on to my destination. For a split second I felt like telling her what was the matter and how I was feeling, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. I couldn’t keep her contact so I just left, like an idiot. She knew instantly when I was lying, I miss our friendship. I felt her stare until I turned a corner to get into the building. She’s probably the only person to genuinely care about me for months.