It Was Only A Kiss

Chapter 5: How Did It End Up Like This?

Cleopatra

3:12PM

When I walked out of the cemetery gates, I swear I heard someone I knew call my name. I turned around slowly and saw nothing. I guess no one does care. As I walked further down the frosted path, I began to shiver. It wasn’t because I was cold, it was because I was scared. Scared that no one will come after me; that no one will miss me. I bet no one will even notice I’m gone. I wrap my arms around myself and walked as fast as I could to my house. With half an hour I had arrived home, I knocked on the door to see if anyone would answer. Silence. Perfect! I fumbled for my keys in my paper plane satchel. I opened the door slowly expecting to see someone but I heard nothing. I trudged up the stairs and stripped out of my school uniform. I cleaned my room and when I finished I went to the back of my wardrobe and picked up a large cardboard box. It was full of all the stuff he had brought me.

I dug through it and pulled out what I needed and stuck it in a blue rucksack. I grabbed a notepad from my bookcase and starting writing separate letters to my mother, brothers, Shona, Chloe and to Blake explaining what I’m about to do and why. I figured out I had at least another two hours left till everyone got home if they were where I thought they were. I decided to leave the letters to my family on my bedroom dresser and I put the remaining letters in my rucksack. I walked to my en suite and looked around, man… I’m going to miss this, I got into the shower and slowly turned on the nozzle so the luke warm water would fall. When I was in the shower I felt like I was rinsing away my problems, my insecurities, my doubts, my fears. I was ready to leave this world. It was around five o’clock and everyone would be home soon so I grabbed a bottle of vodka from my mama’s liquor cupboard (which she thought I didn’t know about) and a new packet of sleeping pills from the medicine cabinet and left.

6:58PM

I had always wanted to know what it felt like when you were ready to die. Some try to escape and avoid death, they fear it. Dying is only terrifying because it’s so ordinary. It happens all the time. Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. I see death more as a friend, a healer, a bearer of good news, a peace giver. When it’s my time (preferably in the next few hours) I hope it will be bring me peace and he won’t disappoint me.

I had walked for just over an hour carrying my hench rucksack. I went to post my letter to Shona and Chloe first then I took the back entrance out of my estate. I continued down the cycle path with my head down thinking about the good times I have had in my life. After another ten minutes the sky had become almost pitch black, but I could still make out where I was going and the infamous hill that stood in front of me. I haven’t sat on it for months now. Blake and I would walk there some time in the week and sit there for hours, holding hands. I remember the day he first told me was in love with me.

***

I unlaced my red converses and put my bare feet on the warm grass. I started wriggling my toes in an attempt to cool my feet down. There was a light breeze coming towards me which made my braids fly behind me. I was sitting on top of a hill near the end of the back of the estate I live in. The warm air was travelling up my legs as I laid down next to my baby.

‘How are you beautiful?’ Blake said, breathing down my neck. I know I’m only 14 but I love him so much. I’m so scared to tell him though, he might not feel the same way. We got bored of sitting so we laid there together in silence listening to the wind disturb the trees and the bushes along the path below us.

‘I’m ok, I’m just happy you’re here with me, everything is just slightly perfect’. He put his arm around me and intertwined his fingers with mine and dug his head into the crook of my neck.

‘You smell soooooo good!’ he mumbled into my neck tightening his grip around me.

‘Thanks big head’ I replied smirking. He is so perfect, so sweet, so kind, I love him so much. I need to tell him how I feel. ‘Blake can yo-’ but before I could finish what I was going to say, he had let go of me and climbed on top of me. My legs in between his. My hands around his neck my hands around his waist. His dark brown eyes staring in my dark brown eyes. His light brown, freckled skin was almost touching my clear dark brown skin. He was just hovering over me and looking at me. His warm sweet breath was filling up my nose. I just wanted to kiss him so bad. I just wanted to show him how much he means to me.

‘I love you Cleopatra’ he whispered before he leaned down and kissed me softly.

‘l love you too Blake’ I whispered back before kissing him again. He fell back down to where he was laying down and watched me again. He pulled me closer by my waist and looked deeper into me. For those few hours until we went home, it felt like we were the only two people in the whole world.