The Writers' Games: The Phoenix

Round 7: Entries

Ametrine "Aimee" Gairnéad

Yesterday I was too cold, today I'm too hot. It seems to be a vicious cycle. But I'm sure that, for once in my life, none of this is in my head. I'm not imagining it.

"Agh it burns!" Somebody shrieks painfully as the air around us starts to warm up. I don't know who it is, I haven't opened my eyes in hours. 

I try to scramble back into my corner but when I touch the metal of the Cornucopia, it's an almost painful sensation. I can feel the skin on the back of my arm blistering but it still takes me a few seconds to jerk away. I still feel slow. I still feel like I'm dying. Then again, I've always been dying. Every second I get closer. Especially in this place. Where death and pain are a constant companion and the threat of murder hangs over our heads like a clouded sky. 

Burning. We're burning. I can feel it, I can smell the smoke. 

I've never been more afraid than I am in this moment. The prospect of burning to death is more terrifying than anything I've ever imagined, any hell I've been through. I don't even know why; this brand of hysteria isn't one I'm familar with. But the fear of fire and the need to get away from it is practically consuming me. It's scary. More than anything, it's just scary. I start to life in spite of my horror. 

"Shut up, you lunatic!" Another hysterical voice shrieks and I open my eyes to see Amberlynn staring at me furiously. And I keep laughing. We're all going to die anyways. 

And then there's this sort of mad-dash to get out, which I only join because I panic at the idea of being stuck in here alone to burn alive. My brain is focused on one thing and that is survival. Nothing more. My mind feels more broken than ever. Unhinged. I feel detached from the situation, like I'm just observing my actions from afar.

I scramble out and fall face first into the ashy grass outside the flaming Cornucopia. I crawl forward aways before lying completely still. The point of my sword digs into my leg but I don't care. I just want to lay here and die. Let the fire wash over me and consume my body in slow agony. I'd deserve it after what I've done, what I've seen. Death in any form would be a relief. 

And then the feeling comes back.

The terrible one, the one I felt at the beginning of the Games.

The bloodbath feeling.

Only a hundred times more so.

The two halves of my self are fighting against eachother. The real me, the Aimee that is me and myself and who I really am, is trying to push away the other half. The girl in the mirror. She's trying to take me over, I won't let her! She's trying to get rid of the real me again. She's Ametrine, the angry Career who kills people. I don't want to be her. I want to be Aimee. I want to be me. I don't want to kill anyone. The feeling is back, it's thrumming through my veins and I want to scream but I can't find my voice and I'm gone and she's taking over and I can't I can't I can't.

I don't want to kill anyone.

I don't want to kill.

I don't want to.

I don't want.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't.

I can't.

I'm gone...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ametrine rolled over and looked at the girl. She was the only one without an 'A' name, something that amused Ametrine though she didn't know why. Maybe it was the sense of fitting in for once that amused her. Amberlynn, Ashely, Ametrine. And then Mailee. Mailee doesn't belong with the others. It's like that game she would play with Lyss when they were young. One of these things is not like the other. Excluding the boy; he doesn't matter anyways.