I wish you lived next door | Shawn Mendes fanfiction

Prologue

Great, another text from Shawn.
I just don't want to talk about this right now.

Shawn: So what do you think we should do?

Emma: Idk.

Shawn: Well maybe you should stop acting like this and think about it too.

I sigh. Can he just shut up for a second?

Emma: So you think I've never thought of this? You think that I'm okay with the fact that my fucking boyfriend lives 4000 miles away from me?

*read 4:15 pm*

I feel a tear rolling down my face. I throw my phone on my bed and put on some sweatpants. I walk into the bathroom and remove my make-up.

I look at myself in the mirror.
Is this how the rest of my life is going to be? Crying everyday because I miss my boyfriend?

My phone rings. It's Shawn.
The last thing I want to do right now is talk to him and finish this crappy conversation but I decide to pick up.

''Yeah?''

''Emma. Just tell me what you think is the best.''

''I have no idea okay?''
I start crying and my voice begins to crack.
''I love you and I want to kiss you and hug you every single second of my freaking miserable life and the fact that I can't just kills me.''

I hear that Shawn is crying too.

''I know that.. I feel the same and that's why...'' He doesn't end his sentence and he sighs.

''That's why what?''

After three long seconds, which feels like forever, he finally answers me.

''That's why I feel like we need to forget each other and go on with our lives.''

What?
How am I supposed to forget the love of my life? I know it's for the best but I just feel like I can't.

''I don't know if I can handle that.''

''All I know is that you can't handle having a boyfriend who lives 4000 miles away from you.''

''You're right but I just love you too much for that.'' I start crying even harder and harder.
Why do I have to love him? Why don't I just love someone who lives nearby?

''Honey you don't deserve this...''
Shawn sighs.
''You deserve someone who can make love to you whenever you want, someone who can come visit you just because you need a hug and
a love life that people would kill for. You know I can't give you that.''

He keeps telling me how I deserve better and that it's the best for me. He doesn't say a word about himself and I can only come up with one explanation....
He knows that If he tells me how he's feeling I would become even more sad and he's right.
I feel like my heart just broke into a million pieces and I don't think that that's ever going to be fixed.

''I don't think I will ever love someone as much as I love you but I guess you're right.''

And again, he answers after three long seconds.

''Should we end it now then?'' Shawn's voice cracks.

''I think we should.''

I hear Shawn crying. I've never heard him cry this loud. 

''Love you Em.''

''Love you Shawn.''

''I wish you lived next door.''

I feel my heart beating in my chest. I don't want to forget Shawn but I know it's better this way.

I hang up. More and more tears are falling down my face. I throw my phone against the wall and start screaming. Why me?