A Depressed Teen

Chapter 8

He stop treating me like before. His interest isn't completely lost but it's getting there.

Our texts got shorter and our interaction got less. He doesn't even hug me unless I ask him to.  

My lil crew and I were just chilling at our usual spot. He spilled my just bought juice because of his stupid playing. I got super upset and stop talking to him. He saw that I was upset and he felt terrible. We took the same bus home and I prayed that he didn't come off at our stop.

"Don't put your arms over my shoulder!" I exclaimed.
"Why not? But you can't make me!" he smirked and I push his arm off me again.

He stopped with his little game. I shove my hand in my right pocket. He forced to see my bracelets on the same hand.

He didn't stop until he tore the pocket. Which led to further anger. I stopped talking for a while.

"Do you still love me?" he questioned multiple times.
"LOVE is a strong word" I replied suddenly. "That's not what it says if someone is to read our messages" he smirked. "Well sometimes I don't mean what I say" I smirked back. The mood became more serious and sad. "Me too" he replied soon after. Like he meant it truly. "Why are you bugging me?" I asked rolling my eyes. "When u get in I'll tell because if I tell you now you'll hate me" he said trailing off.
❌Trigger Warning❌

❌ Trigger Warning ❌

I went inside and locked the gate behind me. He walked off with his bowed. I texted him but he took hours to reply. I got really sad and depressed.

One thing I remember is searching depressed songs on youtube with my foggy eyes. I cried all the way to my room from the living room. I searched my earring box for my oldie friend. He looked shinny and new. He smiled as I approached him. I took him and went back to the living room.

I listened my songs and started to let my leg hug my friend. He hugged tightly but not tight enough. We hugged a couple more times until I bled. Ugh just imagine that release.
.......         .......        .......     .....

I apologised for my bitchy attitude. There was no reason to cut because he apologised and still loved me. BUT I couldn't see it like I used to. Yes things have changed.
Strangers >friends >bestfriends >couple.

That's how it is. I mean every good thing comes to an end, right? But I don't want it to end. I lik- NO I love him. I want him to be the father of my children. I want him to be my beloved husband. I want him to be there when my period cramps get the best of me. I don't want him to leave. I want the both of us to graduate high school and enter collage together. I want our lives to turn out most wonderful. I want it to be us, only us no one else.

B.          U.          T.

He treats me differently than how he used to 3 yrs ago. I love him more than how I did 3yrs ago. Yes things have changed badly. I missed the real us, that were true, comforting and just different. Yes I love the butterflies in my stomach and the high radar of horniness. Yes I do love that but it maybe was better before we dated.

Ugh I'm confused.. I love, him I like him. I want marriage, I just want friendship. I don't know what to do anymore. Sure relationships have ups and downs, but this is a never-ending rollercoaster.

I just want it to be true and although we are a couple, it feels different like I'm just a side bitch. I warned him about him having hoes. He assured me that he isn't cheating. I love him very much. Truly.