Dreaming Alone

Dreaming Alone: Chapter Thirty-two

I quietly sat on the black leather couch in Luke's living room as I watched him walk around. I heard him open the fridge in his kitchen and later reappeared with two bottles of water.

"You're not hungry, are you?" he asked and I shook my head.

Luke planted his hands on his waist as he looked around and sighed after a few seconds. Tugging his bowtie off, he sat down before taking his coat off.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and I just looked at him.

I just looked at him because this is the first time I've seen him like this again. It's been so long since I last saw him looked with worry and concern in his eyes.

His once boyish and carefree features are now more serious and matured. I still can't believe that years have already passed. I no longer expected to see myself sitting in front of him like this since he left. This type of image only existed during those late night session of tears and bitterness.

"Alex" he cut my thoughts off by trailing a finger down my cheek.

"I'm hurt" I admitted, trusting him with my feelings. "I'm disappointed."

"With me?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I'm way past that Luke" I gently smiled before frowning. "I'm disappointed with Wil and with myself. I should've been more observant. I guess I was too blinded by Wil's goodness that I—"

"Shh..." he squeezed my hand. "Wil's a good guy. I guess he just got his intentions all mixed up. I'm sure he'll reach out to you in time."

"Right" I mumbled.

"Will you get back with him?"

I furrowed my brows as I searched myself for answers. Leaving me was one thing, but cheating and lying to me in that manner was another thing.

"I need to hear him out."

"Can you hear me out too?"

I looked into those blue eyes of Luke and I saw how much he wanted me to answer him with full honesty. I've never lied to Luke and I don't think I should right now.

"I'm all ears" I nodded. "You took me here to talk about us so let's hear it."

He nodded and took my hand in his.

"I've wanted to explain since I hang up on you years ago."

"Luke—"

I tried to stop him and tell him that that's all in the past now, but he cut me off by shaking his head. He looked at me with the kind of intensity that I should let him do this because he needed to.

Luke took a deep breath and pulled my hand to his lips and planted a soft kiss on it.

"I'm sorry Alex" he whispered. "I shouldn't have left you like that. I should've explained but I didn't know how. I knew I should've chosen to stay with you, to fight for us, but I didn't. But I want you to know that I didn't leave because I gave up. It never ended for me. I just... I did it for us.

I wanted to prove myself worthy of you. I wanted my mother to see that I don't have to rely on her anymore. I wanted to prove to her that she can't control me all the time and that I really want to be with you."

I looked at him as he told me these things and I couldn't help but feel how sad he must've been during those days.

"I wish I was there to comfort you" he continued. "I wish I was the one to hold you in my arms and give you strength when you felt weak. All I could do was to call Wil and ask him to look after you because I knew he would. I'm glad that he did, but I have to admit that I was hurt because he took advantage of it.