Just My Life

Anxiety

I suffer from major anxiety. It's like REALLY bad. There will be times in class where I'm just sitting there, and then I suddenly start to have an anxiety attack and it gets so bad to the point where I just start crying. I hate crying in front of people because I feel like people just expect me to be strong.

There was one time in video productions (a class at my school), that my teacher was explaining a way to save a video on your computer, but making it allow you to still edit the video (if that makes any sense), and I could not get the hang of it for the life of me. I was too scared to raise my hand and ask for help, so I asked my friend Abby (the one that is dating Cameron) to help me, who was sitting right next to me. She was in the middle of a conversation with her boyfriend so, she didn't really hear me asking her, and I didn't want to keep bugging her. So I was trying to figure it out on my own, but I still couldn't get it to work. I started having a really bad anxiety attack. I started shaking and then (since I have asthma) it was like my lungs were like closing up. I couldn't breathe. My friend (I'll give her the name Amber) had looked this up for me since I had had so many of these breathing problems, and it was supposedly called shallow breathing. Basically stress and anxiety cause this. I then, started to cry and I was trying to keep quiet, so basically it was just silent sobs and I had my head in my hands and Abby and Cameron didn't do anything, because I don't think they noticed. Eventually my friend (I'll give her the name Tanya) came up to me from the BACK OF THE FREAKING CLASSROOM to come help me out and make sure I was ok. She said that she could see me from where she was sitting and saw that I wasn't ok so she came up to me and calmed me down and she has no idea how grateful I am even to this day about that.

And another story: basically I was in video productions again and I had another anxiety attack; this time I wasn't crying, luckily, but I was still mentally freaking out. I was sitting with Abby and Cameron again and I heard them whisper "is she ok?" And then Abby responded with "I'm not sure" and they didn't do anything. And then a girl named Carrie (sure why not) came up and put her arm around me and said "hey, what's going on?" And I'm not even that close with her because of things that have happened in the past (I'll get to those in a another chapter)