Hopelessy Devoted

Chapter Nine: Hardened Criminal

I feel dizzy.

Opening my eyes, I'm back in my room and Daryl sits beside me. His face is ashen and cheeks seem to have harbored his tears.

"Oh... Daryl?" I go to sit up and he just lays me back down.

"Rest Beth." He places his hand on my stomach and I just feel, empty. I lost the baby...I don't feel it there. Throwing my body into him, I just let all my tears soak into him. Why? Why did this happen? "I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am."

Why is he sorry? He didn't do anything wrong. I don't understand.

"It's not yer fault Daryl..." My tears stain my cheeks and all I feel is dead inside. My whole body aches with pain that I can't even begin to imagine how I'm here.

Suddenly, there's a knock on my door and it's my dad. He simply looks in my room, stares at us and then shuts the door again.

"I can't believe he's checking on us. It's not like we're doing anything bad. Yer comforting me." Daryl rubs the back of his head and his face just torn.

"Beth..."

"I love you." His eyes widen and mouth droops a bit. Why did I just blurt that out? He says nothing, but just stares at me. His whole face seems contorted and lifeless. As if that's the first time anyone told him they love him. Is it? "Say something."

"I don't know what to say..."

"You mean...you don't feel anything?"

"I mean I never feel anything, but I don't know how I feel about you." His eyes shift downward and I just feel terrible. I love him. I know I do. There's something about him that makes me feel...entranced. My soul is crushed. "I mean...maybe I do love you...I just don't know. Emotions are frivolous for me to have."

"You have several emotions any other day. Today they're frivolous? I don't understand you. You act like you want me and then you just say it's pointless? Daryl Dixon yer breaking my heart."

"That's okay. Hearts are just as pointless." He leans forward and kisses my forehead. "If there's one thing I know, it's that you give me purpose to be here."

He just walks off after saying it. That's love isn't it? I don't understand what he's saying. I don't understand how I lived. I understand nothing and so much at the same time. Why is he so oblivious to my feelings? To his own feelings? I can tell him flat out that I love him and he feels nothing in return. Then he turns around and professes some kind of love toward me but doesn't follow through? I have yet to begin to understand men.

***

As I get ready for school this morning, I once more feel empty inside. I need to go to the police and turn in Zach. He's on a whole other level of crazy and needs to be dealt with. I mean, she shot me point blank in the forehead!  Grabbing my things, I head down stairs and say bye to my Dad, but he must be deep in thought because he says nothing back to me. He doesn't even acknowledge me. As I get in my truck, I notice the keys aren't in it. Odd...I usually leave them in here. Why aren't they here.

"Hey."

"Cheese and crackers!! Are you trying to kill me?!" I jump in my seat and Daryl just hangs in the passenger window.

"Don't have too. Shouldn't you be inside sleeping?"

"I'm not tired... Surprisingly. I have to go to school. It's still important ya know. Senior year- duh."

"Listen, maybe you should just stay here. Ya know, until yer feeling better." Daryl's blue eyes plead me, but I need to do this.

"As great as it is spending time with you- I need to go tell Zach he isn't winning this one. He tried to kill me...he already murdered one innocent soul-it's time he pays for what he did."

"But Beth..."

"Give me my keys Daryl! I know you have them!" Thrusting my hand out toward him, he sighs, but gives me the keys anyway.

"Just...keep yer head, Beth." What does that even mean? He backs away from my truck and I speed off out of the drive way. The whole way there I think about what Daryl said. Keep my head? Does he think I'm going to try and kill Zach? That's simply absurd.

Pulling into the school parking lot, I get out of the car and trudge into school. It's not even time for first period and I can already notice the students moving as a cog, slowly going to class- intertwining themselves to avoid a collision. Going to Zach, I get in his face and slap him. It doesn't phase him at all though. He continues to ignore me and I furiously scream in his ear. He stops talking to Jimmy and cleans his ear out, mocking my very existence. The bell rings and he moves passed me. Why is he pretending he doesn't notice me? I could pull a gun on him and he's wet his pants. I go to first period and sit right behind him. Taking a straw and paper- I spit ball the back of his head and all he does is scratch the back of his hair and continue to listen to the lecture. The whole class must be in on this little charade of his. They all ignore me. Even the teacher. Why do they ignore me? Can't they see the bullet hole in my head?

Walking down the hallway, I head to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I look pale as ever and my forehead is as normal as ever. Feeling it, I can't find where he shot me. He shot me. I know he did! I felt it!

"I'm sorry..." Looking up in the mirror, behind me Daryl is leaning against a stall. How did he get here so fast?

"I don't understand."

"Beth...yer dead."