Change of Plans

Chapter 24

Nothing is worse than regret.

I don't think anyone understands that as well as I do. It's a constant battle between hating the ever present, all consuming feeling that has settled in the core of my being and just wanting to let everything go.

Letting go sounded like the better option but that was a hell of a lot harder to do.

I regretted not spending as much time with my father as I should have. I especially regretted that I wasn't with him when he died and that was something that I'd take with me for as long as I lived.

I also regretted that I couldn't make myself hate it here. It felt like a betrayal to my dad. I was afraid that if I let it all go and embraced my new life, that on some subconscious level I was saying that it's okay that he died. And it's not. It's not okay at all.

"Do you ever miss home?"

Casey's voice brought me out of my gloomy thoughts and I stared at the bottle in my hand. I unscrewed the cap and took a sip. "I miss my dad," I finally replied. "And I miss my friends."

It had never truly felt like home and since there was no dad to go back to, it was now just a place that I'd once lived.

She pushed her salad around with her fork and sighed. "I often wonder what it would be like to live somewhere else. Somewhere without so many memories."

"The memories follow you," I told her as Aiden walked into the cafeteria. He gave me a slight wave and I smiled in return. "We can't run from them and we can't forget."

"Forget what?" Sophie asked, plopping down beside me. She swiped a fry from my lunch and made a face. "Where's the ketchup?"

"I don't like ketchup," I said, shoving the rest of the fries to her.

"You're so weird," she said with narrowed eyes. "Anyway, guess what?"

"What?" Casey asked.

"I'm on the Winter Wonderland committee," Sophie beamed.

"Really? That's the theme they chose?"

She regarded me with mild annoyance. "It's cool."

"It's boring."

"As I was saying," she dismissed me. "Since I'm on the committee, I'm inviting you guys to join me."

I snorted. "No way."

Casey gave me a flat look before turning to Sophie. "Where's Maddy? She'll join for sure."

Sophie shrugged before pointing a fry at me. "So, you'll join?"

I shook my head. "What gave you that idea? No, I won't join."

She groaned and bit her fry. "C'mon. Please?"

"It's not even snowing yet," I reasoned. "The name sucks."

"If you were on the committee you could pitch your own theme and make it whatever you―" She stopped her speech when she realized that I was chuckling. "Really, Camille?"

"I'm sorry," I apologized, trying to compose myself.

She picked up her tray and stormed away.

"What did I do?" I asked Casey.

"This is important to her. If you don't care about the dance that's fine, but don't be insensitive."

I sobered up and my smile faded. Let's add another regret to the list, shall we; I regret being a jerk to Sophie.

***

I was sitting by the fountain waiting for Casey after school when Savannah joined me. I raised my brow when she sat, but remained silent.