Forbidden Love

Chapter 2

NOT EDITED

I get home to think of him again. My love. How his hair is like chocolate; deep and brown. How his beautiful eyes are like crystals. I breathe. In. Out. He will never love me, but I will always love him. Someday we'll be together. Although it's impossible, I can feel it. It has to be true. We have to be together.

I sit and pear through my window. A happy couple walks by; a brunette and a blond. The women hold hands in front of my swing tree and kiss. I try to remind myself that this is normal for my world. That boys have always loved boys and girls have always loved girls.

Until me. I love a guy. I don't know if he loves me, but I hope. I can't ask him because I'm scared. What if he doesn't love me back? What if he hates me back? What if I get hurt? What if people laugh and exclude me just like those high school boys I told?

I remember his face. No one can take that away from me. This love I have for him is strong to the roots. I feel it like nothing I have ever felt before. I am sure it is true.

Footsteps creak up the stairs to my bedroom. The door opens to reveal one of my mothers. Her red hair is tied in the tightest bun. Her skin is as pale as ever and covered in her brown freckles. She walks over to me in her dark purple dress and sits on the bed. I flinch as she wipes the tears from my cheeks.

"What's wrong, darling?" Mother asks.

"Nothing," I say. Mother does not know about my 'disorder' yet. She has probably guessed it by now for sometimes at the mall she points to girls my age and says, "Isn't she hot?" I say nothing or change the subject, "let's go to that store."

"I know that's not true," Mother says now.

"Okay," I say, finally ready to reveal myself to my own mother. I stand up and look her straight in the eyes, "I don't like girls."

Mother stutters, "Of course you do. What are you talking about?"

"There's this guy," I say nervously, "He's really nice and I really like him and-"

"Aspen!" Mother scolded, "We do not talk about men in this house! They are the scum of the world! Idiots!"

I did not know she was going to blow up like that. "But Mother-"

"No buts." After a pause she sighs. "I'm sorry. I just want you to be happy, and if a boy makes you happy, I'm happy."

"Thank you," I say relieved. I knew she would be okay with it.

"Does Mom know?" Mother asks. I call this mom mother and the other mom mom.

"No," I say.

Mother gets up, "I'm going to tell her."

"No!" Mom will not approve. She is much more strict.

"Mom needs to know! It's not fair to keep this from her," mother says coldly. She sounds almost like she is embarrassed of me.

"Mother, mom won't accept me the same way you are... or at least trying to."

"I'm sorry, we need to tell her," Mother stands up and walks towards my door. "Oh, one last thing: don't tell anyone. We don't need the whole world knowing you like a boy."

"I don't understand what we did wrong?" Mother says to herself, "We raised you with all of our best intentions. We exposed you to girls. We brought you to church with us. What did we do?" Her voice started to shake, her face wet from her tears. "Why did this happen to us? Why us two?" She shut my door and left without saying another word.

I sit on my bed staring blankly at the door. Why? Why am I like this? Why can't I just be normal? I know I can't be normal though.

I pull my legs close to my chest and start to cry. I don't want to love him! But just his eyes are so amazing. They are two blue diamonds. They made me feel this way. Its his eyes fault.

What am I saying; blaming his eyes? It's not just them. It's his face, too. His smile. His laugh. Him. It's all him. He is so beautiful. He is so nice. I close my eyes again. It is the only way I can be with him now. I can't get near him without catching my insides a flame. Before I know it, I have fallen asleep with him still in my mind.