Forbidden Love

Chapter 4

NOT EDITED

It takes way too long for lunch to come. I need to see him. I need to talk to him. But what will I say?

I suddenly become brave. I feel this strange sense of survival brewing in my chest. I see him sitting all alone at a table. 

I walk over to him with my head high. I look at him and he has cuts and bruises all over his face. I sit at his table and look directly at him.

"Hi, Tristan," I say with a fiercely beating heart.

"Be Careful sitting sitting next me, you'll be straight as well!" He said with a sad tone in his voice.

    "Tristan are you really straight? I mean, what if it's just a mistake or you're just going through a phase?"

"So you're like the rest of them? At least you aren't making fun of me like all those other idiots."

"Why would I make fun of you?"
He lowers his spoon and looks me in the eyes. Did I say something wrong? I feel my face turn red and I involuntarily bit my lower lip. His eyes are so blue.

His face turns bright red as he looks at me. "Don't play dumb, Aspen, you know why people are making fun of me!" He yells at me. "Don't play innocent either I saw you whispering in class with the rest of them!" He stands up and goes to the boys bathroom, leaving his lunch behind.

I sit there. Alone. My throat feels like it swells. I swallow but the feeling does not leave me. My eyes fill with tears. I try hard not to cry but several tears slip through my will. I wipe them. Maybe Tristan doesn't like me. I cry more. I don't try to stop it. I pretend my eyes itch and continue to rub them so nobody notices. Still pretending to rub them, I venture over to my friends.
"What's wrong?" Says the all knowing Ember: my best friend. 

"Noth...nothing" I stammer.

"Are you sure? I mean, you look like you were crying. Did that straight hurt your feeling? Gosh he better have not hurt you!"

"No, he didn't," I brush the tears off my face.

Ember stood up and formed her hand firmly around my upper arm. She led me away from the table so she could talk to me privately. "Tell me," she said, "I want to help."

What do I say? I can't lie to my best friend. I mumbled my secret to her.
"What?" She asked. I must have said it too quietly so I said it again, louder and clearer this time. The expression she made could have made me laugh if it wasn't such a serious conversation. Her eyes grew to the size of watermelons and her face went pale.

"Okay," Ember breathed, "That's cool."

Ember left me alone so I went to the table I was at. I lie my head on the table and tears run down my face. She's embarrassed of me. Will we ever be friends again? Are we still friends? My head began to pound. I can't take this anymore. Maybe I can call Mother. Maybe she'll come pick me up.

I saw Tristan came out of the
bathroom. It was clear that he was still mad. He walked right past the table I was sitting at without looking at me. Does he hate me? Will he ever forgive me? Why won't he just grab his food so I can be close to him one last time?

I debated whether or not I should call his name. I feel it on my tongue, ready to fly across the room into his hears and his head and maybe his heart. What's wrong with me? I'm fantasizing again. Even if he likes girls he probably won't pick a girl like me: a girl who loves him. Tristan. It feels good to think his name.

I get up from the empty table I was sitting at. I run to the bathroom. I stop at the mirror. Why would Tristan like me? My skin looks paler than normal, my eyes puffy red from crying.

The door opens and I run into a stall. I hear a group of girls giggling.

"I think there's another one," one giggles.

"I can't believe it!"

"Who is it?"

All their voices sound the same. I try to peek through the tiny crack. All of sudden I hear a voice I recognize.

"Its Aspen," I knew the voice wasn't Ember. Tears stream down my face. How did they know? I want to stay hidden but I want them to know I heard them more. I open the stall door.
"Aspen! We heard a little rumor," she giggled. I look up to see Olivia and her little group of girls. They were all looking directly at me.

I look at the floor. "I just want to go to class, Olivia. Please leave me alone."

They burst into complete laughter.
"You think we will just let you go back to class? Like, we know you are a straight. You are a rat!" She sneered at me. "You are just like Tristan! No wonder you don't have have friends!"

I couldn't cry. Not in front of them. They have to know that I am stronger than them. I raise my head in fake confidence and stare them in the eyes. I raise my back into a strongly curved posture and take a step towards them. After a pause under my intense gaze, Olivia shifts uncomfortably. The corner of my lip lifts in a small smile. I walk out of the bathroom with a broken heart.