Dead & Gone (DARAGON)

shot through the heart , and you're to blame

My head was spinning. I wasn't sure
what I was doing or where I was going
or what time it was or even what year it
was. All I knew was that I had been lied
to. My whole world and whole identity
and whole existence felt like one huge,
enormous, not-even-a-little-bit-funny
joke.

If your parents—two people so totally
and utterly in love that everyone who
ever meets them gets that they're
insanely perfect for each other—if
THEY can't even get it right, then how
in the world is a girl like me supposed
to keep on believing in things like love
and family and forever?

I was so incredibly angry. Angry at Dad
for messing everything up. Angry at Mrs.
Brenner for stabbing my whole family in
the back. Angry at Jacob for coming into
my happy, easy life when I never asked
him to. I was even angry at Patrick for
bringing me back to see it all. I couldn't
even look at him, I was so mad.

Meanwhile in all of my I-just-saw-mydad-
making-out-with-another-woman
rage, I had apparently zoomed myself
straight from the Hilton right into
downtown Half Moon. I hadn't even
crash-landed, which was kind of
amazing. Too bad I wasn't in the mood
to gloat.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Patrick
asked, once he'd figured out where I'd
gone.

"Nope."

Short. Sweet. To the point.

Across Main Street, an old hippie dude
started crooning a Neil Young song I
recognized. It was one of Dad's
favorites.

Because I'm still in love with you, I
wanna see you dance again.

Because I'm still in love with you, on
this harvest moon.

"Shut up!" I yelled at him. "Nobody
wants to hear it!"

"So I realize this is probably a bad
time," said Patrick as we passed Pasta
Moon, one of Sadie's favorite
restaurants. "But I do sort of have a
surprise for you."

"I hate surprises."

"Funny, that's not what I heard."

"You heard wrong."

I was headed toward Pilarcitos Creek
Park. I needed to disappear for a little
while. Sit on the grass. Get some air.
Watch the stoners debate solar wind
energy or something.

"Oh, come on," Patrick groaned when he
realized where I was taking us. "Don't
you know I'm lethally allergic to
sunshine and happiness?"

"It's my birthday, I get to make all the
decisions."

"Fine," he said. "Except for tonight.
Tonight's on me."

I shrugged. "Whatever."

We walked a good ways into the park,
down some twisty-turny pathways, until
I found a big field that looked just right.
Nice view, good sun, excellent grass-todirt
ratio. I made my way over to a
lonely old poplar tree, flopped down on
my back, and pointed my face toward the
sky. Tried to erase the mental image of
my dad in someone else's arms.
Someone I'd trusted. Someone I'd cared
about. The thought of her made me sick
to my stomach.

Did Mom have any idea? How long
could it have been going on? Dad's kiss
with Mrs. Brenner definitely hadn't
looked like a first kiss.

Ugh, gross.

Here was a man I'd looked up to my
entire life. A man who had always been
my hero. He'd been a hero for all of us
at some point or another. He still was,
for Jack.

I decided then and there that I would
never forgive him. It was unforgivable,
what he was doing. He had betrayed
Mom. He had betrayed Jack. He'd even
betrayed Hamloaf.

He had betrayed us all.

"And today. On today out of all possible
days." My voice shook and tears stung
the corners of my eyes, but I didn't cry. I
was too angry to cry. "Love is such a
complete and total crock."

I thought about how Jacob's parents had
separated for a short time last year. How
I'd been there for him, through the whole
thing, and how he had literally wept in
my arms the afternoon his dad moved
out. I'll never forget Jacob's face that
day. He looked like a little boy, scared
and confused and upset that maybe he
could've done something to stop it. I
remembered how I had biked home that
night and hugged both my parents, even
as they yelled at me for being almost a
full hour past my eleven o'clock curfew.
I hugged them both and held on tight. I
felt so lucky that we were different from
all the other families.

We were happy. We were safe. Nothing
could ever tear us apart.

But I was wrong.

I was wrong about a lot of things,
actually.