Don't Let Go

Chapter 7

One month later.....

Over the past month, Justin and Julia seemed to get a lot closer. They were always together and Julia's name would always seem to come up in someway or another during our conversations. I tried not to think about it too much, telling myself over and over that it was nothing to get worked up over, that they were just friends like anybody else. I walked up the stairs to English and stepped through the threshold of the all too familiar room of B207. It was only February but I was already done. As I slid into my seat behind Justin, Teresa, a friend of both mine and Justin's and also of Julia Bell, whispered in my ear, "He finally asked her out.". I turned around in my seat, "What!?". "I know! Can you believe it! I mean it's been what like 4 months since they've been talking?! It's about time." she said as she pulled her notebook out labeled in black marker, ENGLISH. "What are you talking about?" I said quietly enough so only she could hear me. "Justin and Julia of course! He asked her out this morning right before school. Isn't wonderful!?" I stopped breathing. I felt my lungs gasping for air. I felt the blood rushing to my face. I couldn't answer her, I couldn't even look at her. I felt like someone had just slapped me across the face. Teresa was sitting there looking for some kind of positive reaction. I turned around in my seat, Justin's back toward me. I felt utterly sick. I knew this would happen. I knew it all along. I tapped him on the shoulder not sure what I was doing, not even thinking, just doing. The words seemed to spill out of me without any control, "I thought you said you weren't dating anyone this year. I thought you were taking a break." He turned around, his face looked almost sad as if he knew this was going to happen. That I would react in this way. "Did you ask her out." I said with as straight of a face as possible in the moment. I didn't want him to see how I actually felt. "Yes... I didn't think this was going to happen Ashley, honestly. I didn't want it to happen." "Then why did you ask her out if you didn't want it to happen." "She forced me to" "What do you mean she forced you to?!" I said loud enough for a few people to turn towards us. "She said that if I still wanted to see her that something needed to happen, that this had been going on long enough and that she would move on if I wasn't going to take this seriously." I turned away, I couldn't look at him. I couldn't even speak. i was done with this, I was done with everything. I was tired of caring more than he ever did. I was tired and sick of trying to make things happen that he just didn't seem to want. I was tired of always seeing him with someone else. I was done. I could tell I was about to explode, that everything i had been holding in for the past months, possibly even years, was going to come out. I had to get out of there. I excused myself to the bathroom and walked out of the door trying to keep myself together long enough to get far away enough so he couldn't see my face. I could see Justin out of the corner of my eye saying something towards my direction with a pleading look on his face. I didn't want to feel like this. I just wanted throw all the feelings I've ever had for him away. I just wanted to let go, to tell myself nothing will ever happen between us. That it would always be Justin and someone like Julia and me in background. But I knew that would never happen. No matter how much I wanted to let go sometimes, I would never be able to. I ran down the hall blinded by tears.