Behind the graffitied bathroom stall door, I came to a conclusion. I could either continue living my life this way, continuously a slave to the uncontrolled feelings and slowly chipping away like a piece of clay every time he gave his heart away to someone else, or I could move on and give my heart away to someone else. Maybe I could use a relationship as a sort of drug, a way to numb the pain until the broken bits scarred over.
I chose the latter.
"Hey!" I scanned the crowd of people trying desperately to find where that voice had come from. Just under a street sign that read Van Buren Place, my eyes landed on the familiar curly blonde hair that was the trademark of my elementary and middle school friend, Connor Larsen. Connor had grown up alongside Justin and I but we were never quite as close, we always seemed to belong in different social groups. He was the athletic/beachy type, with his sun-browned skin, golden hair, blue eyes, and washboard abs while I was the nerdy type, my nose always in a book, never giving much thought to the athletic world besides the commercials that would play during the super bowl which I completely enjoyed. As I walked up to him I could just make out the words that were sprawled across his white t-shirt that wrote out the Nike slogan. "Just do it". Those words seemed as if they were a sort of encouragement, giving me the extra push I needed to go through with this first date. At that moment, he turned his head towards me, his bright blue eyes gleaming in the hot summer sun. He strode towards me, a warm smile spreading across his face. He wrapped me in a rib-crushing hug, his tight muscles roping around me, washing me in a feeling of warmth and a little unease. What was I getting myself into?
We made small talk as we walked up the small hill, hand-in-hand, trying to catch the sun before it disappeared behind the tall buildings and vast expanses of land. We passed several other couples mingling together, some standing off to the side with their entire bodies intertwined as if they were trying to soak in the other, others idling gazing into their significant other's eyes. I suddenly became intensely aware of our hands laced together at our sides, a chill ran down my spine. I abruptly let go, saying I needed to get a drink, as I reached into my brown leather messenger bag pulling out a half-filled plastic water bottle. So many thoughts ran through my head, one chasing another, I can't just forget about Justin and pretend like my heart still isn't wrapped around his fingers. I heard Kat's voice ring in my head, "You get to be happy, you get to live a life separate from him, Ashley". I turned back towards Connor, putting on a smile I thought felt sincere enough for the moment. He took a step closer, grabbing both of my hands. They felt rough and calloused like the hands of a person who spent a lot of time using them, who knew how to use them. I found myself unconsciously moving closer to him, tilting my head up to meet his. I felt his soft full lips as they parted mine, taking me head-long into a sea of emotions.
YOU ARE READING
Don't Let Go
Romance"Justin, like the sun, followed his own path, his own course in life and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt as if I were a bird, following the path of the sun, needing its warmth in order to survive, utterly willing to follow wherever it...
