Begin Again

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I took a deep breath in the mirror as I stared at the reflection of a woman looking back at me. She looks older than her age. Her eyes swollen from last night's misery. Her hair frizzy, can't remember when the last time she held a brush was. Her nose as red as Rudolph's. Her face painted with all the struggles she had to overcome. She haven't smiled in a while now. Not even a small upward curve has formed her lips these past months.

As I stared at the reflection I can't help but think of all the unbearable pain and struggles the woman had to go through. All this time she thought that the happiness she felt for a moment would last forever. Unfortunately, forever isn't for her...with him, at least that's what she thinks now.

Now, after all those months of drama and bitterness, she decided to move on with her life. She wants to bring back the happiness she once felt before the unwanted event happened. As much as she wants to bring back all those times she wasted by locking herself up from people who truly cared for her, she can't. So she decided to let go of all the pains and heartaches of the past and move on with her life together with all the people who cared for her enough to stay by her side amidst all the drama.

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Today, I want to go out and get some fresh air. I want to free myself from all the pains inside of me and let go of the things that's holding me back. Eight months had passed and I think it's time for me to move on. I have wasted so much time locking myself up and dwelling so much from the pains of my past. I have to set myself free. I'll have to try to forget the hurt, be numb from pain and go on as life has so much more to offer.

I am wearing a simple dress that flows down to a few inches above my knees, a sneakers that matches the dress and then I let my hair fall down freely at my back. Looking back, this kind of dress I couldn't wear when he was still with me. He simply wouldn't want me to, not that he forced me not to wear it though. He was the type of guy who wants her woman to himself. He doesn't like it when other men would look my way that's why every time we'd go out on a date, he would always ask me to wear a simple shirt and jeans with sneakers. Sometimes I'd feel underdressed but I wouldn't mind it as much since he'd be wearing the same thing.

Now, no one would say no. No one would ask me what to wear and what not to wear. I could wear anything I want without thinking or considering someone else's opinion. I am free to choose my clothes, as well as my life. Well, as what they always say "Being single is being free. It depends on you on how you'll live it".

"Am I really ready to let go?" I asked myself before leaving my room. I became hesitant but my will has won over my heart as I told myself "No time for doubts now. This is it. Time to live in the present and forget the pains of the past. It's time to move on. The future awaits." I'm more determined now than I ever was. There are a lot of reasons to be happy. One person can't keep on pushing you into the darkness because there are a lot of others who will lift you up to the light.

Going down the stairs I can hear voices in our living room. Why didn't I know that we have visitors? I thought to myself. Well, you were so busy moping. My inner self answered. I flinched at the thought. "I will never do that again. Ever" I walked straight to the crowded room as I reprimand myself.

The room became extremely quiet as soon as I got in. All eyes were on me. Everyone froze, clearly shocked from the thought of me being outside my bedroom. Not to mention the kind of clothes I'm wearing.

I know I shouldn't be confused with their reaction. It's normal right? Freezing, not saying anything, staring widely at the person who showed up perfectly normal in front of you after so long of emotional breakdown locking herself up inside her room. It must be normal, otherwise we're a family of crazy people, my three best friends included.