Begin Again

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

He brought me to a park in town. It was nice...a bay walk area... After buying our Ice cream we sat on a bench away from the others... There were only a few people since it was still on a weekday. It was almost sunset. He chose the bench farthest from people but would still give us a nice view.

We sat there in a calming silence. None of us dared to start. Or maybe he was thinking where to start. I wasn't sure. He was looking forward...at the sea... It's as if he was reminiscing something. I could clearly see that he was holding back. He looked stiff... rigid...like someone who is void of emotion.

I just sat there. Next to him. Watching the sun set beyond the sea where mountains were standing tall.

And then he spoke...not glancing at me...

"2 and a half years ago, I had a girlfriend." he started. I didn't say a word so he continued...

"She broke up with me a few days after I asked her to marry me." He paused. Took a deep breath... then he glanced at my direction and proceeded...

"She said yes when I proposed to her...but she didn't look happy. At first I thought maybe it was just because the proposal didn't sink in yet... but it was different." His eyes looked so sad. Like he was back to that moment of misery. I reached for his hand and touched it. Squeezed it. Then I smiled.

"I was supposed to be happy... instead I felt extremely confused. That moment, she looked like she did something terrible yet I ignored it for as long as she said yes... When she broke off the engagement, she left without saying anything. I was left dumbfounded..."then there was silence.

"After almost a year I found out she had a child... but not with me...with another man..."Tears fall from his eyes.

"Can you imagine how devastated I was when I found out that she cheated on me? I found out about it only after we separated... Was I supposed to be glad that I was blinded?" He asked. He was looking straight into my eyes as if the answer was there. I shook my head. Of course not. I would rather know. I'd rather be in pain than be played for a fool.

"Sean was the first to find out. He told me he knew who the man was and that the man was also cheating on his girlfriend. - I told him I don't want anything to do with it anymore. I just wanted to forget."

He looked at me. I couldn't read what was on his mind but I now understand. I understand how hard it must have been for him. He almost married the woman. Damn woman.

"When I met you. I thought I felt something I haven't felt for a long time... But then the past seemed to haunt me. I tried hard to distance myself. The second time we met...I thought maybe fate is telling me something... That's why I approached you. I did not have any ill intentions... That time I was just plainly attracted to you. But then I wanted to have a clean start. So when I met Celine weeks ago I asked for her help." He took a deep breath.

"When I told you earlier that I like you... I actually mean it... That's why I told you about them. I don't want this to be the reason you wouldn't trust me. I wanted you to know because I think it's harder not knowing anything at all. I wanted for you to accept me and trust me... But it's all your choice. I won't force you."

-Silence-

Staring at him wide-eyed with the confession. How can he be so sure about his feelings for me when it's only our third time together? But why would he take such risk if he wasn't serious? Why is it so easy and so tempting to believe in what he's telling me?

"Are you alright? Shall we head back?" I heard him say. I just nod my head and followed him back to the car.

The ride going back to the villa was silent. He looked worried but he didn't say a word. Maybe he thought I needed space... which is true... I need time to think things through.

We arrived at around 7 in the evening and since we didn't eat dinner yet, I offered to cook. Maybe this will help me for now. He wanted to help out but I immediately refused. I needed to clear my mind and having him around is not going to help at all. He went upstairs when I started to prepare for dinner.

I felt my tears fall down my cheeks. I couldn't help it. The light inside the room was dim. I left it like that since I came here. I like it when it's a little dark. It gives me a calming feeling.

Suddenly the main lights turned on. I quickly wiped away the tears in my face.

"How long have you been there?" I asked.

"How long have you been crying?" he countered.

"For as long as I started slicing the onions." I answered.

He might have thought that I was crying for something else. He came closer. He stopped beside me looking straight into my eyes.

I couldn't stand the tension so I held the onions near his face.

"What the – "I burst out laughing.

"You didn't seem to believe me when I said I was crying because of that so I thought maybe you wanted some kind of a sample." he laughed as well.

"Here. Let me help you." he took the knife from my hand and started slicing the onions.

"Were you the one who cooked lunch today? I must say it taste good."

"Oh yeah. Thanks. Credits to being a chef then"

"A what??!!... Oh God. Now I lost confidence in cooking."

"Don't be- please. It's actually nice to have someone cook for me sometimes." He smiled- that sweet smile. I lost sense for any kind of remark so I just smiled back.

Sometimes even the simplest words can make your heart beat like crazy.