dear alice.

VII. CASTOR

Archie sat in his car hands clutching the steering wheel. Knuckles turning white. The cold seeping through the windows and slicing through his coat. Outside the few that remind by Alice's side huddled in small groups as the wind roared ferociously around them, plucking petals from the bouquets and spreading them through the air. He tore his eyes away from her and let his head rest on his hands. The boy was drained of all emotion.

His body had shut down at that moment, his bones collapsing and mind melting to mush. Not even Alice could awaken him from the deep dark pits of his thoughts instead she kept him there. It was her fault.

A figure approached the car. They opened the door and sat down in the passengers seat quietly. Not daring to rouse Archie. It was only when he started to sniffle that they spoke up.

"Arch?" Murphy croaked. Archie didn't seem to acknowledge him, head down trying to focus strictly on his breathing.

He could hear her voice. Her laughter bouncing off the walls of his skull. It seemed so real. At any time but now he could have mistaken it for Alice except he knew this one was just a haunting memory. And it was stuck on repeat.

"Archie, hey man?"

Murphy placed a hand on his back, coaxing him out of the daze. In response, he only got a sullen glance in his direction. It was enough.

"It sucks I know you just need to-"

"I don't need your advice, Murphy. Learn to take it yourself before telling other people," Archie said bitterly.

"Where'd your happy go lucky attitude go?" Murphy raised his eyebrow.

"In a grave," he replied. He let out a huff and sat back up straight. "Where'd your anger issues and tears go?"

"Lay off it Dundeen."

"Then don't give me advice... You're not Alice."

It was true, Murphy Thoma was not Alice Grimsby and for some reason, Archie would only accept it from her. But she was gone. Like many things in his life, she failed him. He shouldn't hold all that to her, though. It wasn't her fault.

"It's over now, we have to move on. As much as I don't want to we have to. She'd kick our ass's if we didn't," Murphy said. He paused for a moment taking in the boy's blank expression. "I- It's okay to cry Archie you don't have to keep this in."

"What if I want to?"

That doesn't do you any good. You're not a robot. You're human. Let me go. Let me go. Let me go.

"Archie," Murphy snapped his fingers in front of his face gaining his attention back. "Don't just go silent like that. And stop acting like an asshole. You're sounding like Fletcher."

Archie froze at that but then everything came crumbling down. The tears came first, soft and trickle down his cheeks. He cried like a calm sea an odd thing to compare it to but Archie Dundeen only cried in silence. He had learned over the years that it was best if it was done alone, in his room where nobody could see him. He tried to blink them away but they came steadily. Following the tears, his muscles relaxed too quickly and dropped his body into a slouched position. Lastly, he spoke.

"Je me souviendrai de vous jusqu'à ce que'pour ce que le'univers se détruit lui-même de la même manière que'il se voyait lui-même commencer et je vais vous manquer pour vie nombreuses fois plus. Adieu mon amour" he murmured.

"What does that mean?"

"I will remember you until the universe destroys itself the same way it saw itself begin and I will miss you for many lifetimes more," Archie said. He kept the last part to himself deciding Murphy didn't need to hear its true meaning.

"Poetic," Murphy commented and Archie laughed. It wasn't forced but it was very drained. He wiped his tears in amongst the chuckles and turned to look out the window.

Nobody stood where she rested now. Only a digger worked, pushing the earth on top of Alice and encasing her in a tomb full of roses where she will stay for eternity. Where a stone will be her pillow as she holds it over her head to numb the noise, the roses her sheets to keep her warm and the dirt her mattress. She will sleep for eternity.

"I don't want to go," Archie sighed.

"Neither do I..." Murphy trailed off. "It's getting dark Arch. We'll come back tomorrow."

Archie nodded. Taking one more deep breath he put the car into reverse and stared ahead for the last time that day.

"Adieu mon amour," he whispered.

Goodbye, my love.