A Collection Of Self Written Poems.

Shellie Actually Has A Kid! Damn, I'm Old.

A picture perfect family. Is not supposed to be torn . Mom and Dad arguing at 5:00 a.m. in the morning. Grandma argues with Dad at evening. Family dying around. Cancer , old age, heart attack, strokes. Cousins ripped apart . Lovers moving. Crushes gone. My life is horrid . I just want to die .

Everyone says they won't leave. That I'm beautiful.That I matter. But in the end,they leave.They leave but leave my with their lies.

I wish I may, I wish I might, I wish I would die .

Every time I say I'm fine, I wish they would say ' Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth. ' , and dare to hug me tightly.

They think I'm this happy girl. This girl that isn't tired of life. This girl who doesn't need to tear her skin apart . This girl who doesn't hate her self . This girl who doesn't imagine how to kill herself. But that perfect girl doesn't exist. She's tired of life. She does tear her skin apart. She does hate herself. She does imagine how to kill herself. Because she's not perfect.

My friends don't know.
My family doesn't know.
They don't care.
They swear they care .
But I know they lie .
I disappeared once,
It'll happen twice.
They get tired.
They get away.
They don't know .
I died .
A long time ago.
And I can't be helped.

The cold , sharp edge.
Edge eating your skin
What once was emotionless.
Now feels.
They say don't do it .
But it feels.

They found the scars on the arm .
Andthe hips .
But not the thighs.

Late night springs.
Creak as I move.
Weight melts.
And food uneaten.
But never I abandon.
My plan to skinniness.
I will or won't die .
Either way .
Is a win-win .

Sorry about the time it took to write this. Never meant to take so long.