Bad Boy Judah

f i v e

It's midnight, maybe. I stir hot water and ramen in a bowl with minimal interest. It takes me a minute to rip the small square seasoning packet, because my fingers tremble still. Geez, I need to get a hold of myself. I take a long breath, standing in the shared kitchen. No one is here. I don't feel hungry anymore. 

My organs have quitted, since Judah appeared. If anything, I'm in physical pain. Every word he's said to me is loud and clear in my head. How am I supposed to function with him in my room? I have no idea who he is. Is it a coincidence that I've run into him so many times? All these questions drive me insane. I decide to stay down here to eat, instead of going back upstairs. I pull up a rusty chair. Someone has left their smelly soda can on another table. I play around with my food, refusing to eat it. I'm just too jittery to do anything, really. All I can do is think about big bad Judah. I wonder what made him hold my hand when we rode the train. I wonder what made him push me in the pool. I wonder why he put his hands around me... My thoughts run a rodeo.

"Is this seat taken?"

I look up and find Everest standing there. I frown and look away, wondering why he's here now. He's the last person I want to face, and I think he knows that. I push the bowl of ramen and drop my hands. He smiles like everything is okay. If the thing that happened never happened... then I wouldn't be so opposed to him being a few feet away.

"You can't sit there, either way," I mutter.

"Can't we just talk?" he asks.

I find strength to shake my head and say, "You never talked to me before, so..."

"I know—I'm such a jerk, huh?" he grins.

At least he knows, I think to myself. Then I remember that there's a grown man up in my room. My mind makes a full circle. I lift myself to my feet and pick up my junk to throw away. I hate wasting food, especially when I don't have much of it. I know better than to turn my back on Everest, though.

"I'm tired. I'm leaving," I say dryly.

He stays where he is, thankfully. I take big steps towards my room. I slowly turn the doorknob and saunter inside. The lights are turned off, but I can still see clearly with moonlight shining through the blinds. Judah's long body lies peacefully on my bed, though his feet dangle off the edge. His height is menacing all on its own. I stare at his back. He's made use of all my pillows and my pink plush teddy bear. His eyes are closed. I tip toe over to my desk and sit on my chair. I wouldn't want to disturb him, if he's asleep. I think about how I'll have to wash my sheets in the morning, because they'll smell like burnt wood. I think about what he looks like when the sun is up. I lift my knees to my chest, knowing that I'll have to sleep right here tonight. This stick chair is far from comfortable. I think about how I'll explain this to Mara. It's not easy hiding a six-foot something criminal. My eyes follow the dark lines that hug his arms. I might go to jail for this, I don't know.

"Why are you over there?"

Judah's deep voice alerts me. His eyelids are half closed, half tormented with insomnia. I stare at him for a while. Jesus, save me now.

"Uh..." I mumble, "I just—"

"Get over here," he tells me with a groggy voice.

My brows lower and I grit my teeth. What? He can't be serious. I hate that he believes he can just do whatever he wants and get whatever he asks for. I guess that's just the type of person he is. I can't get in bed with a guy—this guy! He's a complete stranger and worse. I divert my eyes to all four walls.

"I don't exactly know you..." I explain my hesitation.

His facial expression shows that he doesn't take refusals well.